Platonic Friends

so I went to eat ice cream today with my friend (again!). I love Ben & Jerry's, partly because the company is famous for being environmentally responsible (learnt this in Marketing), and i like their service. All the girls are very friendly. I've been eating so much of Ben & Jerry's, Fri with Thanh Ha at Suntec (New York Super Fudge Chunk and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ), then at Rayner's auntie's house (Peanut Butter Cup), and today at Great world city (Cherry). But i think i should still be able to eat more, i just love ice cream.



And in the mean time while we were waiting for something, we happened to talk about platonic friends. Is there such thing as platonic friends forever? Some people don't believe that such thing exists, because they reckon at certain point of time, one party (girl or guy) will surely develop a bit of feelings for the other. Well, that happens to a lot of my friends. Friends >>> close friends >>> couple. But the fact that many people develop the relationship further doesn't render platonic friends impossible, does it?

It is natural that human beings are born to be friends, isn't it? and don't you find it rather funny if girls can only be pure friends to girls, and likewise to guys? (the topic on homosexuality is out-of-scope here)

Somehow it is just very simple and obvious for me that platonic friends definitely exist. My friend is super important to me too, i must say. John knows it better than anyone else, and he's absolutely, definitely, positively happy about it.


I can talk to him about everything on earth, about John Lee Wei Chern (one of his most favorite topics), soccer, McLucky FC. I can give him advice over things that apprarently i know better than him. I can call him stupid, idiot, pig and these are also terms that he uses to address me. I can beat him, kick his leg or step on his foot, this he cant do back to me because he won't hit a girl ( he said he treats me like a boy though) so i have an upper hand on this, but it's kinda unfair and i am noble enough not to use physical abuse haha.

I don't like it when he feels lousy. I really don't like it because this is not the way he is. So i try to think of anything i can do to get him out of the mess. John says he's mature enough to decide, i hope so to. John knows him better than i do.

(Yeah lor, stupid you, it's not worth it, John is always there for you... Hee hee, as a gift from me, i'll let him play soccer or talk cock with you everyday when he comes back la. How about that? sounds like a good deal?)

Come back to the topic on platonic friends, i believe that there are many around, those that really have no intention to change the way they view each other, just forever stay as pure friends. I like my friendship with him, but I don't like him the way I like John, the same goes to him. We ourselves know it very well. Of course people may tease us now and then, but just for fun. They also know that there is nothing between us, that John is absolutely the one and only for me, there is no such thing as number 2, or 3, or any other reserves.

I feel bad, and lousy too, when my friend feels down. I don't know if i can do any stupid thing to cheer him up, may be i can sing 'loi loi ka tong' song (i only know 3 sentences of the song), or support New castle instead of Manu, or eat Ben & Jerry's everyday...

Hope everything is gonna be over soon. I like it when it is simple, though i myself have got into many complicated situations too. But at the end of the day, there are a few people i can always turn to. It is just fair to say so i guess. All of us have many many friends and acquaintances, but there can only be a few soulmates, those that we totally trust and rely on and they trust us in
return.

I wanna see my friend being a happy person again. It's always easy to say from an outsider's point of view, but i really want him to be happy. I know i am lucky to have John, and the darkest day can be brightened up with the thought that he's always there for me, but heehee.. John is also there for you too. No doubt of it! And me too, though he's definitely gonna say 'you ah? don't care la, i have Wei chern enough already'


If you wonder why all these puppy pix are here, i'm just seriously having post-exam syndrome, i sleep so much after exams, not that i didn't sleep a lot during exams time, but now i can wake up at 3 pm or 5pm in the afternoon, I dont think a lot of people can do that haha.. and neither do i have any idea why i can sleep so much... tsk tsk, this is definitely not good for the coming Professional Attachment, better draw out a plan to train myself for PA, cannot afford to be late like for 202 or tax seminar... cannot, cannot.

I'm so happy

Yeah, i'm so happy... and i dont have any mood for 213. (so weimin, no worries... i'm sure there are many people out there who have no mood for 213, just like you!)

I'm happy not just because exams are over so so so soon, but more because i talked to my seniors just now. And my pretty seniors may be coming to Singapore to visit me (hahaha, not just me, i anyhow say, to visit everyone actually)

There, they are my pretty seniors, one in Wesleyan, one in Cornell now. I miss the time in CHIJ when we stayed at RI boarding. I used to go to their rooms to disturb them, and to play with their stuffed toys because some of them looked really cute and silly (esp a funny bear that has a flattened face :)

Not for sure that both will come though. Cos for my Cornell senior, she may be going to France with her mami, and if it is so, she won't come here.. so the selfish me will cross finger that she won't go to France hehehehe

I'm just so happy knowing that i'm going to see them soon.

'Me to You'

There are people who have made me happy today.
Thanks Daph who asked me to lunch together,
and my sister who never fails to brighten up my days with all her sms from VN.
And my dear silly, smart, blur, now-in-England Jane who always makes me laugh at my laptop screen.
Thanks Weide for coming all the way to NTU to give me that pleasant surprise. Sorry, i was too shocked to react. I didn't know what to say or what to do hahaha.. although i know i said a lot still, but my mind was quite blank heh. Next time i'll treat you to something okay Captain?
And of course you, for without you, i wouldn't have an anniversary to celebrate in the first place.
Sometimes when i struggle to hold back those silent tears because i reckon i am stronger than that, i've come to convince myself that every step i take will bring me nearer to your dream. And in a blink you'll come back my doctor... ( i mean everyone's doctor, not just mine :)
Don't worry for me. I will be happy knowing you are always there.

2nd anniversary

Wishing you were somehow here again

Wishing you were somehow near

Sometimes it seemed

If I just dreamed, some how you would be hear

...

This Sun will be our 2nd anniversary.

There will be no NYDC, no 'The Sound of Music', no last minutes buying clothes just because I was wearing shorts and T-shirt (not knowing 'the sound of music' was awaiting for me) and wouldn't be able to enter Esplanade Theatre dressing that way.

There will be no Singapore River's cooling breeze, no retro-looking Fullerton..

There will be me here and you there.

If i had known about this, perhaps i should have waited until July before i said '. .... ...', so we could be able to celebrate all the anniversaries together hee hee

But as i said, or you said, before that it doesn't really matter which dates we celebrate all the events. In deed, everyday should be a day of celebration.

Thank you for convincing me that we will be able to make it through, for giving me the reasons to smile everyday how tiring it may be, for loving me the way i am and not trying to convert me into some lady-like girl (but i do try to improve myself hee hee, remember our bet over whether i would be able to wear heels when you come back after 5 years there, i still believe that I will definitely win the bet heh)...

Thank you for being my inspiration, for everything...

Life is Beautiful

I saw my friend today, and somehow the subtly weary look on her face etched in my mind. It wasn't at all obvious, it was so subtle that i wondered for a while, after i said 'good luck for exams' to her, whether what i thought was right. But it can't be wrong!

I've known her for quite some time, this sweet pretty girl who laughs a lot, and the two of us, together with another girl, can laugh like 'siao cha bo' without stopping. But must emphasise that besides sometimes going crazy with me, she's totally sweet, someone really dependable. When i was a bit down at some point of time during my year 1, she was the one who encouraged me and gave me her support (for this i must name Anesia as well).

I had always thought that my little cute friend should deserve the most wonderful love story written in the stars, and that it would have an 'and they lived happily ever-after' ending.

But sometimes things in life do not turn out the way we have always imagined them to be. Our path changes its direction without us being aware of it. I didn't ask her for the details of what had gone wrong because i didn't see the need for it. Whatever happened had already happened.

Somehow, as she talked and still smiled widely today, i sensed something subtly different. It isn't the bright effortless smile like before... i really felt the weight in it, is it just because of exams pressure? i doubt so... and somehow i heard myself cursing the guy in my head! I might be bias, but i don't care, she's my friend! and it is heart-pain for me seeing my friend get hurt.

Time will heal everything, people always say. But i think time is not really the factor that heals things. It takes people to hurt people, and it also takes people to cure people. It's our family and friends that guide us through our hard times, not something invisible like time which people conveniently attribute everything to.

I want you to know that I will always be there for you, all of us are. You said, life isn't a bed of roses, so must move on. The second statement is true, yes you must move on! but i wanna tell you that your life is still as beautiful as a bed of roses! In fact you yourself are as beautiful as one! One incident in life doesn't make it sucky, perhaps it's just like a worm in that rose garden that we grow. One day a swift will come and help us get rid of the irritating worm.

Either Tu Anh or Nam Chi used to say that i 'wear rose-color glasses', hee, i don't mind 'wearing' them. This life has a lot to offer, and though we may stumble and fumble now and then, these won't have the power to stop us from moving forwards, especially when we have friends who are there for us and believe in us.

I know you are strong enough to move on. You can make it! Fight-on! ohhhhhh!

I drew those pictures in my autograph book in JC, that was how i kinda look like during JC time, long pony tail, always have blue rubber band, and always have my bumble bee with me until my classmates associate bumble bee with thu huong. (I will keep my long hair again after this, some how i think I feel more comfortable having a pony tail than a hair band)

I miss my teacher in JC. Teaching with a passion must be one of the most honorable thing on earth. Being a teacher is not just about improving students' academic results, it's about teaching them to have a heart, to care, to trust themselves and other people, to stand up for their friends, and to laugh and be happy.

I like to teach, that's true. I'm not a teacher though, just a tutor, and i'm not the most gentle tutor on earth, far away from it... I know I raise my voice at my student, even in front of her parents (somehow when things get on my nerve, i become oblivious of people around me, only to feel kinda embarassed realising it after that), because she said 'i think i can't, i'm gonna fail tomorrow. i think i study also no use!', i scold her not because she's not as smart as any other person can be, but because i don't want her to quit before she even tries.

What is the point then, thinking you're gonna fail even before the battle starts, are you gonna get anywhere at all? If you said you're gonna fail, you don't need to go for it then, do you? just stay at home thinking of failing? is it all you wanna do? Is that how you're gonna help yourself achieving your own dream?

I said all these without knowing that my student almost cried. To my horror, i realised it after she kinda made a sniffing sound.

I know my words may not be as sweet as you want it to be, we are more like friends than tutor and student, and i hope you know that i scold you from the point of view of a friend, not a lecturer.

And my student stood up, drank her water, went to the toilet washed her face, and she returned with a smile. And i know she understood what i meant, "yeah! let's continue with our lesson!"
It is more often than not that i spend quite a lot of time telling my student how i think she might change her concept of school, of people viewing her as 'not belonging to their type'.

I'm not anywhere near being a teacher who has 100 of students under her care, because i'm just a normal tutor friend, but i know whatever form of teaching it may take, it is a meaningful thing. A happy smile at the end of the day, even though i may have cursed it having to wake up to go for tuition (as all of you guys know, it's an achievement for me to wake up ontime for lesson, i just love sleeping).

It is more than seeing my student's grades improving, it's about seeing her being a more cheerful person, seeing her being more confident of herself,and seeing her being happier with her firends. She still moans over things and still 'bargains' with me to go for more tuitions because she can't understand her school work, i would still scold her now and then, and still complain to my friends about having to go for tuition on certain days and can't catch a movie or something. But it warms my heart when my student says 'thank you' to me for teaching her, or when she gets some presents for me after she goes for trips overseas.

I don't know if i would ever become a teacher in the future, my friends often tell me that my students will surely, definitely, absolutely 'bully' me (because i would be mistaken as their friend, not teacher taking into account my not-very-ladylike and clumsy behavior.... Evil! I would like to remind you that i'm a girl, ya? i'm a girl you know, so a girl is naturally girly, isn't she?). Okay, i won't totally brush away the fact that it could be true i may be 'bullied' by my students, but wait, i can be fierce at times if it is something that i feel is not right hee hee.. Yes, the word is there, I FEEL! no ground for feelings, it is just purely intuition. But I think people feel happy when they can follow their heart, and don't have to force themselves to bahave in a way that is depicted my the society.

my junior high school

I like this photo a lot, sad that we didn't have a digital cam that time so all i have is the hard copy photo. It was taken around 7 years ago, we were around 14 years old then, on my school yard, on the last day of my junior-high school years.

Our school's name sounds really great 'Secondary school for gifted students' hahaha.. Many of my friends here were like 'wow!!! for gifted students?' when i told them the name of the junior-high school that i came from, and time after time i need to tell them 'erm.. not that special lar. Every province has 1 such school'. Well, junior-high was the last year of my studies in VN, I didn't have a chance to experience the high school life (the time that everyone says is the best of all times), and sometimes i wonder how it would have been like if i had been there...

These two girls have made a difference in my life. And i know that, now and always, they'll be there for me. We were the trio in class that always scored full mark for almost every single one of the 13 subjects that we took (except for PE hahaha) bcos we somehow always found a way to discuss during tests. Even when the teachers made us do separate test papers like count 1, 2, 1, 2 and all the 1s would do test A and 2s would do test B, if we've got time, we'd do both tests and then exchanged answers. And we're 'darn' friendly and nice to our classmates cos we also told them the answer if they couldnt solve any questions. Those were the times. The one on the left is me ( last time always had 2 braids), the one in the middle is super zai at geometry and arithmetics, in fact she's good at everything lar (but she hates stats hahaha), the one on the right is the monitress of my class (her mum is the vice head of my province, always see her on TV) hey dear, you remember both of them rite? they even cooked for you and Edwin that time hahaha, Ngoc's sis is going to Melbourne for her master, i forget to tell you.

I miss my school and things that are associated with us. Because of the name of my school, and that all the 'gifted' schools are always small compared to others due to the small intakes, students from other schools sometimes thought that we stuck up... Well, totally wrong, cos we're such a friendly bunch of students. (must provide another fact that we're not 'nerds' though again the name may suggest this)

You cant see clearly from this pic, but roughly that is one of the buildings of my school. i like it, especially when my class was at the corner of the level, so whatever we wanted to do, we always had enough time to clear up everything before teachers came. And can you see that everyone is wearing a red scraf? well, socialist country, so wearing red scarf is compulsory for us. we'd get demerit points if we happened to forget, and this explains why there are shops out side the school that rent out red scarves to students, what a joke! One thing good about the red scarf, it makes little girls and boys look cuter, scarves always make children look adorable i think. I still have mine somewhere at home i guess.

Why am i blogging at this point of time when exam is so near, well, i'm waiting for Mingyong see if i need to do anything else for 213 hahaha, so in mean time i just feel like writing something, being the like-to-write-things- girl.

German is no easy to handle. Besides 2 class tests and and an oral test, my teacher still gives us pop quizes everytime. I was lucky to miss one pop quiz cos i pon-teng that lesson to study for 201 in class assigment (being a last-min girl as my group people have known me for). Never did i wanna skip any German class, but it was inevitable that time cos i had too little time for 201.
Ironically, as i said before, of all the modules i take this sem, i only like German whose grade is not counted for us, the 2004 batch.
Everyone has a passion. It is when you know, on the surface you may not benefit that much from it, you love it anyway and do it no matter what, because deep down inside you know your heart is smiling. And i need to give a thousand thanks to my 213 group mates for not nagging at me, cos i'm kinda lagging that day having a headache with my 201, yet still get myself busy with my German (none of their business). The last German test, an oral test, was over this evening after my teacher said 'Sehr gut. das ist alles Thu Huong' , still have one more final lesson though. But at least now i can spend more time reading up on 213.


I think friendship is somewhat similar to a see-saw. It's a game that we enjoy since childhood. It is easy to play, you don't have to manipulate much to enjoy it because noone wins or loses in this game (or should i say both are the winners), but sometimes you might get hurt if you don't balance properly. most importantly, you can't play it alone for you will just sink if noone is there to lift you up. So to my friends who have always supported me (esp after weichern left for Australia), it is a great joy having you all as friends.

it's the debate over who is darker that is going on among my group people. Well, it's an unfair argument for 1 single soul needs to defend against 5 or 6 other people. But it doesn't matter, does it? both are pretty despite being darker or not (but still one of them is prettier than the other hee hee). We're just lame, exams pressure must have gotten hold of our mind. Anyway, to the guy who everyone- knows- by- now- that- he is attached: "everyone knows that u're attached la, don't need to be secretive anymore :) "

I miss you

...
Say you love me every waking moment,
turn my head with talk of summertime...
Say you need me with you now and always...
Promise me that all you say is true -
that's all I ask of you...
....
All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night...
and you, always beside me,
to hold me and to hide me...
....
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime...
say the word and I will follow you...
Share each day with me, each night, each morning...
Say you love me...
- that's all I ask of you...
Anywhere you go let me go too...
Love me
- that's all I ask of you...

I miss everything. It has been one and a half month, the longest time that i've ever experienced being far away from you. I remember how bad i had felt when you went to Brunei or Taiwan for OCS training. But those times were only for one month. Sometimes I feel proud of myself for being strong and that I've got this far, though it's only a baby step in this long long journey that we have to go through, but every journey starts with one baby step.

I miss you much. I miss tapping my hand on your face, and squeezing your cheeks so that you'd look like Tweetie Bird. I miss hanging around Esplanade watching soccer, eating cup corn (my favorite). I miss playing the 1, 2, 3, 4 game with our thumbs, you're so pro and i always lost cos i'm blur and slow. I miss watching the beautiful fireworks and the incidence that i was (as you said so mischievious and smart) saying something that you completely couldn't comprehend what on earth i was talking about (this is a secret between us, i know you 'admire' my mischief hahaha).

I miss you a lot. I miss all your funny expressions, some of them are requested by me like "do you think you can act out a 'bitchy' face like the way Rayner do?" You would say "huh? so paiseh, ask me to make 'bitchy' face" but still act out to please me. I miss the way you can imitate all kind of voices or noices so well, a news reporter, an Australia interviewer, a puppy, a dog. I miss all your answers to my questions, last time weimin and Daph laughed at me at the airport for asking you silly questions do you still remember? somehow you always have an answer to my every enquiry, even if you don't know, you will just cook up a reasonable reply that you know i'll accept it anyway, and you've never been irritated with me for asking you all the questions on earth.
me: why is this song so stupid? the person only sings 'mami wo yao $, mami wo yao $?
you: erm.. it shows the emotion of the teenager and what he is going through.
me: okie, sounds good
... and continued listening to the song.
another time...
me: why are you going away, is it just for your own self?
you: no, it's for both of us
me: okie
and yet another time...
me: why are they not showing the movie here?
you: look at me ah, look carefully ah.
me: *look at you attentively, waiting for an answer*
you: do i look like i'm the owner of the cinema?
you, me: hahaha

I miss the way you always encourage me to study hard for exams, but always bring me out during weekends to watch movies cos you say i deserve a break. i miss all your surprised flowers and cards, those that never fail to brighten up my days. I miss the way you lift me up off the ground and swing me around like i'm your little brother.

I miss marching with you along the road, the Chinese way is different from the Singaporean way. I miss cycling along east coast at night (the lazy me just sit behind) and that super steep road near your house which i thought it feels like flying everytime you cycle downslope.

So many other things that i miss, sometimes it hurts missing somebody or something too much. I, or rather, we still have a very long journey ahead... I really miss you a lot... but i know i can make it through no matter what, i will definitely make it.

Everyone is getting attached. love is in the air... This reminds me of "Love Actually", one of my favorite movies. And "Love Actually" means Christmas (Noel in French and Vietnamese) the most beautiful moment of the year. All the arguments or disappoitments came to an end just for Noel.. the lovely feeling that one has in this season make it impossible to feel angry (at least for me). A bit out-of-point talking about Noel in April, but all love stories make me think of Christmas (Noel 2003 and all other Christmas that i've spent and will spend with you). And for my clique girls and guy, who are not "in a relationship" yet, oneday, may be during Noel, Santa Claus will send the right one down... noone knows.
......
It's a little problem for girls who have close guy friends. I asked Rayner before what it'll be like if oneday he has a girlfriend, well, obviously I wouldn't dare to talk over the phone for 2 hours to him just because my friends told me some silly ghost stoties and I didnt dare to sleep. Story narators are Sharmaine, Weimin, Albert, MingYong, Irene, Angeline,KhaiLeng and Qing Wen if I remember correctly, with the ghost-in-the-blanket story told by weimin that scared the hell out of me.

It's different for a close girl friend, when Thanh Ha, and my other girl friends, got attached, we can still go out, chat over stupid things, pop by for a dinner and everything. Of course we won't spend so much time hanging out like previously but attached or not, the things that we do don't change much.

Rayner used to tell me that everything would still be the same because his future (don't know when it'll be) girlfriend will be very easy-going and she'll like me, and i'll like her too. But how? Even if it's the case, I'll feel paiseh myself, obviously i wont dare to 'bully' him like i'm so naturally used to. Don't get me wrong, it's not that i don't want him to have a girlfriend, i just wonder how it'll be like for the friendship, and a bit worried that i'll say or do some silly things that make my guy friend's gf feel uneasy.

I never like my guy friends in any way that's more than friendship ( really platonic friends cos i'm a faithful girl heh.. and you know it the best heehee), it's only natural for everyone to feel closer to some people than to others, guys or girls.

It goes to show that, we've all grown up in one way or another. When we grow up, childhood or teenage friendship may be over taken by other priorities in life that we are gonna have, and all this will slowly shape the way we treat our old friends. It is not whether it's good or bad, it's just an inevitable part of life. It doesn't matter much the way we behave, (because a little boy/girl acts in a different way as a teenager, a teenager behaves differently
as a young gentleman/lady, and a young gentleman/lady doesn't do the same stuffs as an adult) what is most essential is that we treasure our friendships. And in certain cases, it's not even natural that friendship strengthens with time, for it sometimes takes much effort to keep a friendship from unknowingly fading away from your busy and stressful life.