Sunday, September 30, 2007

There are things that one will never be able to understand without having to experience it. We were born into this world, divine like an angel, light as a snow flake and pure as the clearest spring water. We grow up into the little princess of Wales and the daughter of nobody in Calcutta. Who flips the coin?

Have you ever seen the other side of the world, the one which is full of dark hollow streets, bitter tears and disappointment, walking human with empty mind and soul? A line has been sketched clumsily dividing the two worlds, everyone calls it ‘an invisible line’, but somehow it seems rather conspicuous, isn’t it?

Where do these 2 worlds come from? Within or without?

People are curious to get a glimpse of the other side of the world; after all, seeing doesn’t hurt, does it? But little do they know that ‘without’ is just a few inches away from ‘within’. That is the beauty and also the agony of the mind.

‘The Art of Happiness’, an international bestseller, says that ‘(happy people) are found to be more loving and forgiving than unhappy people.’ Movies and drama series depict happy people loving, losing, forgiving and then becoming unhappy for the rest of their lives.

We have a choice no matter what the circumstance may be. Perhaps, everyone blames life to be unfair at least once in their life. But isn’t life a lot about ‘gives’ and ‘takes’? John told me once that it’s a joy being at the receiving end but it’s hundred times better being at the giving end, be it loving someone, helping a friend, curing a patient or giving a coin to a street performer.

Nothing is perfect but everything could be as perfect as one wants it to be. Maybe, I’m lucky to have been able to understand life a little bit better, knowing the sincerity as well as the shadiness that everyone’s soul is capable of. At the end of the journey, I’m thankful that there’s always somebody understanding and appreciating the way I am without ever questioning, and being there for me with the brightest and most assuring smile to brighten up my days. That’s when I know life could be the way we choose it to be, that’s where I find my happiness.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I wrote this poem, for noone in particular, just a feeling that passed through my heart (or my brain?)


If I had a little bit more time,
I would collect all the falling leaves
Leaves of memories, those that never fade
But had never been understood

Stories that flow from the stars
For you, and me
Always so close, so near, so far
Stories that keep us apart
Perhaps we have never realized what made the longest path

If I had a little bit more courage
I would tell you when it started
I fear the end, too late…

Stories that keep us together
Fun, laughter, tears
Ignorance that changes us, in every way
Not just in me, you
In all of us ignorance stays.

No explanation, no anger, no dispute
Just the force of time…
We do not comprehend your disappointment, my feeling… a mess
Thinking we care less

Memories of friendship that last
Never said, never felt, never really understood
Do they really belong to the past?

Monday, September 10, 2007

Just a reflection

I haven't been blogging for ages and have almost forgotten that I had a blog in the first place. Working life is busy but fortunately I like what I am doing and where I am now (mainly attributable to my friends here). How many times had your seniors told you after you graduated that the working world out there would be treacherous, ruthless or schadenfreude-like? I had heard plenty and wondered if that world I was about to enter was going to be a greedy but shrewd hollow mask sucking and chewing the victims' senses stealthily so that they would not realise that their souls were bit by bit depleted. That was scary. That was society...

I read 'Following the wrong God home' by Catherine Lim, the celebrated Singaporean author whose 2 other books were studied as GCSE O' Level Cambridge University text. Like it and hate it. Like the way Singapore politics, culture and ordinary lives were exposed, bare but hidden. Hate the way it left me dwell in Ben's sorrow, pain and hopeless anger. Hate the way I'm bothered by it for so long, unable to convince myself that He's only a character in a story, He isn't even a real person for goodness sake. What if He's real, somewhere, shouting to the sea her poems, burnt twice and returned twice? Will his heart be 'comforted and strengthened'? It's a lie.

I love books but somehow I live in them and so it's bad. John said he shouldn't have brought Catherine Lim's book back or if he had been back earlier, he would have 'confiscated' the book. If he had a chance, he would ask me not to read the Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, but I'm already half way through with no intention to stop. Books are different from movies. I remember movies, but I don't live in them. I get out of the cinema knowing I've just watched a show most of the times. But characters in books etch in my mind, tossing my feelings, refuse to escape and no matter how rational I try to be, I can't stay indifferent.

Work, it comes in handy when one wants to escape the imaginary. Work is real, affecting the real, having the real, calling for the real money and cents. I'm happy with my work, happy with the people I work with and happy with the mini table tennis sessions that I have during lunch or after work with my friends (though I lost 21-3 to David who played with his left hand!). Work brought Jane back from London and Chi Ha back from New York. Unexpected or planned joy, excitement and sweetness, life is full of them. It only depends on whether you want to make it happen.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

To Kiki

It's the unspeakable pain of knowing that i will not be able to see Kiki again, despite the fact that John assured me i will see him when i go to heaven, Kiki will be waiting for me there, but it's just not the time yet. I had him when i was a kid and he was a baby little puppy. I love him and I'm sure he knew that for he had never once forgotten me, even though after knowing me for 4 years, he only got to see me the most twice a year for the next and last 8 years of his life.

My Kiki was the cutest puppy in town and he grew up to be the most handsome dog i've ever known. But no one lives forever... does forever have a meaning at all then? I remember how the girls in 'Little House on the Prairie' were so devastated when their dog, Jack, died. But when i watched that episode, though i cried, i had never thought that i would have to experience those feelings in real life, i had never imagined that my dog would have to die one day, i had never pictured how it felt like losing Kiki, i had never known it would be million times more painful than watching Jack die in the show. For a moment, i thought it was just a nightmare, but i couldn't wake myself up. I wanna wake up, i wanna get myself out of it, i wanna live in the old world where Kiki would be awaiting my arrival this weekend... his big tail would be waggling in the air... Don't fall asleep Kiki...

Friday, May 04, 2007

Pix through the years

Some nice pix that Khai Leng just sent.





Thursday, May 03, 2007

To all of you

Hi all,

So happy we went out after so long studying for exams, and so happy i finally ate tim sum with you all. The other times i was down with sudden attack of flu and fever.

Uni life would have been so much harder without you guys. Thanks for everything you've done for me all along, and I really appreciate everyone's help in whatever way that you might have chosen to give, be it packing my over-stuffed room, helping me save seat when i woke up late (which was quite often), driving me around, doing a bigger share of the project while I was caught up with other projects, offering me sweets, sharing good 'gossips', helping me carry heavy books, buying me medicine while i was sick, and the list goes on....

I know i will be telling a lie if i say i won't miss NTU. Coming here was an impromtu choice that i made after A level, but it's a choice that I would never regret. You guys have made my uni life so much easier than i thought it could be. And here's something to say to each of you. (in alphabetical order and not in order of importance)

Albert: You've been a great friend (with great cars and U-turns!) I enjoy sitting in your car with our chatty bunch of ppl who produce excellent live commentary of events on the street.. hahaha... you've done so so much for me these 3 years. I really really appreaciate it.

Angeline: You are such a sodoku freak! Thanks for promoting Wei chern's secondary school hee hee, he's very happy. and your stories of the past are forever interesting, love chatting with you. Hope you will never have to cry outside hair salon after cutting hair again =p
Daphne: Always a busy girl with lots of hall stuffs and soft ball but still could buy poridge for me while i was having sore throat, and never fail to cheer me up with all the little stories on our way back to halls after lessons, I will really miss walking with you a long that school path.

Irene: pretty girl who is in USA enjoying holiday now. thanks for having long distance relationship too, for driving me to exam hall for every single paper we had, for all the encouragement before wei chern leaves. the only one whose house i've stayed overnight at.

Khai Leng: We share quite a few common friends huh? You are so blur and you look blur sometimes too hahaha, 'bulliable' girl. Thanks for always helping me to get seat (actually it was 'seat with table' hee). and for cheering me up many times with songs that i love.

Ming Yong: Why do you like computer games so much? You seem to eat lunch with me quite often cos our timetables were very similar, and you are so much lamer than you appear to be. Thanks for helping me with the many projects i did with you. Your Cesim game rocks!

Pam: the outing organiser. always have thousands of ideas. Thanks for cheering me up while i was down, for helping me taking care of my bags of stuffed toys, for driving me around. Hope you will still be our party organiser when we all have gone to work.

Qing Wen: a sensitive-new age- guy. You cheered me up one time i was sick and missed home, and I'm really glad I gotta know you better after that. Of course we will always remember to call you for all outings, our generating-excessive-noise mega-group will always have you.

Sharmaine: such a cute girl, 'psycho' minor hee.. Thanks for coming to see me when i was sick in hall. Thanks for joining force with me to suan Wei min. I love going to basah balam (not sure spelling hee) with you. Will really miss your (sometimes) crappiness.

Weimin: a history of 'quarelling & suaning' each other. Will miss having stupid conversations with you, hall 1 president who was also in charge of timetable planning for our mega group! I'll miss studying and working with you (though you didn't work much during that attachement)

Wei Jie: 'ah beng' has more ear-holes than me (lor!) You're fun, and talking to you is fun. thanks for picking me up that day on urgent last-min notice of bad weather. (8:25am, 5 min before lesson, pouring cats and dog, stuck at bus stop, shuttle bus refused to come, msg wei jie for help)
Time flies, cliche as it sounds, it is true. Who can forget the first time Weimin entered class looking totally ah beng with heavily dyed hair and earings (Angeline thinks you look good though hahaha), and it's like yesterday when that head got even more golden until it almost blinded everyone at KTV. It was such a hectic journey, sometimes we thought we could burry ourselves under our piles of books and readings and never came out alive. And here we are, at the other side of the tunnel and about to enter another chapter of our lives, I believe each and everyone of us will continue to be the others' life-chapters ahead. May we stay talkative, happy and fun always. Luv you all.













Friday, January 12, 2007

more pix at home

My dad cooking


















John playing my sis's guitar


















My sis bought me new gloves


















Watching MTV







Neighbour kids came to watch Cartoon Network and eat Potato Chips


















Kiki, my sleepy dog
pix at home










































Halong Bay























Hanoi