J'aime mon 'wombat' :)

2007-09-30T01:52:00.000-07:00

There are things that one will never be able to understand without having to experience it. We were born into this world, divine like an angel, light as a snow flake and pure as the clearest spring water. We grow up into the little princess of Wales and the daughter of nobody in Calcutta. Who flips the coin?

Have you ever seen the other side of the world, the one which is full of dark hollow streets, bitter tears and disappointment, walking human with empty mind and soul? A line has been sketched clumsily dividing the two worlds, everyone calls it ‘an invisible line’, but somehow it seems rather conspicuous, isn’t it?

Where do these 2 worlds come from? Within or without?

People are curious to get a glimpse of the other side of the world; after all, seeing doesn’t hurt, does it? But little do they know that ‘without’ is just a few inches away from ‘within’. That is the beauty and also the agony of the mind.

‘The Art of Happiness’, an international bestseller, says that ‘(happy people) are found to be more loving and forgiving than unhappy people.’ Movies and drama series depict happy people loving, losing, forgiving and then becoming unhappy for the rest of their lives.

We have a choice no matter what the circumstance may be. Perhaps, everyone blames life to be unfair at least once in their life. But isn’t life a lot about ‘gives’ and ‘takes’? John told me once that it’s a joy being at the receiving end but it’s hundred times better being at the giving end, be it loving someone, helping a friend, curing a patient or giving a coin to a street performer.

Nothing is perfect but everything could be as perfect as one wants it to be. Maybe, I’m lucky to have been able to understand life a little bit better, knowing the sincerity as well as the shadiness that everyone’s soul is capable of. At the end of the journey, I’m thankful that there’s always somebody understanding and appreciating the way I am without ever questioning, and being there for me with the brightest and most assuring smile to brighten up my days. That’s when I know life could be the way we choose it to be, that’s where I find my happiness.

2007-09-19T06:19:00.000-07:00

I wrote this poem, for noone in particular, just a feeling that passed through my heart (or my brain?)

If I had a little bit more time,
I would collect all the falling leaves
Leaves of memories, those that never fade
But had never been understood

Stories that flow from the stars
For you, and me
Always so close, so near, so far
Stories that keep us apart
Perhaps we have never realized what made the longest path

If I had a little bit more courage
I would tell you when it started
I fear the end, too late…

Stories that keep us together
Fun, laughter, tears
Ignorance that changes us, in every way
Not just in me, you
In all of us ignorance stays.

No explanation, no anger, no dispute
Just the force of time…
We do not comprehend your disappointment, my feeling… a mess
Thinking we care less

Memories of friendship that last
Never said, never felt, never really understood
Do they really belong to the past?

Just a reflection

2007-09-10T21:57:00.000-07:00

I haven't been blogging for ages and have almost forgotten that I had a blog in the first place. Working life is busy but fortunately I like what I am doing and where I am now (mainly attributable to my friends here). How many times had your seniors told you after you graduated that the working world out there would be treacherous, ruthless or schadenfreude-like? I had heard plenty and wondered if that world I was about to enter was going to be a greedy but shrewd hollow mask sucking and chewing the victims' senses stealthily so that they would not realise that their souls were bit by bit depleted. That was scary. That was society...

I read 'Following the wrong God home' by Catherine Lim, the celebrated Singaporean author whose 2 other books were studied as GCSE O' Level Cambridge University text. Like it and hate it. Like the way Singapore politics, culture and ordinary lives were exposed, bare but hidden. Hate the way it left me dwell in Ben's sorrow, pain and hopeless anger. Hate the way I'm bothered by it for so long, unable to convince myself that He's only a character in a story, He isn't even a real person for goodness sake. What if He's real, somewhere, shouting to the sea her poems, burnt twice and returned twice? Will his heart be 'comforted and strengthened'? It's a lie.

I love books but somehow I live in them and so it's bad. John said he shouldn't have brought Catherine Lim's book back or if he had been back earlier, he would have 'confiscated' the book. If he had a chance, he would ask me not to read the Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, but I'm already half way through with no intention to stop. Books are different from movies. I remember movies, but I don't live in them. I get out of the cinema knowing I've just watched a show most of the times. But characters in books etch in my mind, tossing my feelings, refuse to escape and no matter how rational I try to be, I can't stay indifferent.

Work, it comes in handy when one wants to escape the imaginary. Work is real, affecting the real, having the real, calling for the real money and cents. I'm happy with my work, happy with the people I work with and happy with the mini table tennis sessions that I have during lunch or after work with my friends (though I lost 21-3 to David who played with his left hand!). Work brought Jane back from London and Chi Ha back from New York. Unexpected or planned joy, excitement and sweetness, life is full of them. It only depends on whether you want to make it happen.

To Kiki

2007-05-10T12:09:00.000-07:00

It's the unspeakable pain of knowing that i will not be able to see Kiki again, despite the fact that John assured me i will see him when i go to heaven, Kiki will be waiting for me there, but it's just not the time yet. I had him when i was a kid and he was a baby little puppy. I love him and I'm sure he knew that for he had never once forgotten me, even though after knowing me for 4 years, he only got to see me the most twice a year for the next and last 8 years of his life.

My Kiki was the cutest puppy in town and he grew up to be the most handsome dog i've ever known. But no one lives forever... does forever have a meaning at all then? I remember how the girls in 'Little House on the Prairie' were so devastated when their dog, Jack, died. But when i watched that episode, though i cried, i had never thought that i would have to experience those feelings in real life, i had never imagined that my dog would have to die one day, i had never pictured how it felt like losing Kiki, i had never known it would be million times more painful than watching Jack die in the show. For a moment, i thought it was just a nightmare, but i couldn't wake myself up. I wanna wake up, i wanna get myself out of it, i wanna live in the old world where Kiki would be awaiting my arrival this weekend... his big tail would be waggling in the air... Don't fall asleep Kiki...

Pix through the years

2007-05-04T09:59:00.000-07:00

Some nice pix that Khai Leng just sent.

To all of you

2007-05-03T09:44:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

So happy we went out after so long studying for exams, and so happy i finally ate tim sum with you all. The other times i was down with sudden attack of flu and fever.

Uni life would have been so much harder without you guys. Thanks for everything you've done for me all along, and I really appreciate everyone's help in whatever way that you might have chosen to give, be it packing my over-stuffed room, helping me save seat when i woke up late (which was quite often), driving me around, doing a bigger share of the project while I was caught up with other projects, offering me sweets, sharing good 'gossips', helping me carry heavy books, buying me medicine while i was sick, and the list goes on....

I know i will be telling a lie if i say i won't miss NTU. Coming here was an impromtu choice that i made after A level, but it's a choice that I would never regret. You guys have made my uni life so much easier than i thought it could be. And here's something to say to each of you. (in alphabetical order and not in order of importance)

Albert: You've been a great friend (with great cars and U-turns!) I enjoy sitting in your car with our chatty bunch of ppl who produce excellent live commentary of events on the street.. hahaha... you've done so so much for me these 3 years. I really really appreaciate it.

Angeline: You are such a sodoku freak! Thanks for promoting Wei chern's secondary school hee hee, he's very happy. and your stories of the past are forever interesting, love chatting with you. Hope you will never have to cry outside hair salon after cutting hair again =p

Daphne: Always a busy girl with lots of hall stuffs and soft ball but still could buy poridge for me while i was having sore throat, and never fail to cheer me up with all the little stories on our way back to halls after lessons, I will really miss walking with you a long that school path.

Irene: pretty girl who is in USA enjoying holiday now. thanks for having long distance relationship too, for driving me to exam hall for every single paper we had, for all the encouragement before wei chern leaves. the only one whose house i've stayed overnight at.

Khai Leng: We share quite a few common friends huh? You are so blur and you look blur sometimes too hahaha, 'bulliable' girl. Thanks for always helping me to get seat (actually it was 'seat with table' hee). and for cheering me up many times with songs that i love.

Ming Yong: Why do you like computer games so much? You seem to eat lunch with me quite often cos our timetables were very similar, and you are so much lamer than you appear to be. Thanks for helping me with the many projects i did with you. Your Cesim game rocks!

Pam: the outing organiser. always have thousands of ideas. Thanks for cheering me up while i was down, for helping me taking care of my bags of stuffed toys, for driving me around. Hope you will still be our party organiser when we all have gone to work.

Qing Wen: a sensitive-new age- guy. You cheered me up one time i was sick and missed home, and I'm really glad I gotta know you better after that. Of course we will always remember to call you for all outings, our generating-excessive-noise mega-group will always have you.

Sharmaine: such a cute girl, 'psycho' minor hee.. Thanks for coming to see me when i was sick in hall. Thanks for joining force with me to suan Wei min. I love going to basah balam (not sure spelling hee) with you. Will really miss your (sometimes) crappiness.

Weimin: a history of 'quarelling & suaning' each other. Will miss having stupid conversations with you, hall 1 president who was also in charge of timetable planning for our mega group! I'll miss studying and working with you (though you didn't work much during that attachement)

Wei Jie: 'ah beng' has more ear-holes than me (lor!) You're fun, and talking to you is fun. thanks for picking me up that day on urgent last-min notice of bad weather. (8:25am, 5 min before lesson, pouring cats and dog, stuck at bus stop, shuttle bus refused to come, msg wei jie for help)

Time flies, cliche as it sounds, it is true. Who can forget the first time Weimin entered class looking totally ah beng with heavily dyed hair and earings (Angeline thinks you look good though hahaha), and it's like yesterday when that head got even more golden until it almost blinded everyone at KTV. It was such a hectic journey, sometimes we thought we could burry ourselves under our piles of books and readings and never came out alive. And here we are, at the other side of the tunnel and about to enter another chapter of our lives, I believe each and everyone of us will continue to be the others' life-chapters ahead. May we stay talkative, happy and fun always. Luv you all.

2007-01-12T22:25:00.000-08:00

more pix at home

My dad cooking

John playing my sis's guitar

My sis bought me new gloves

Watching MTV

Neighbour kids came to watch Cartoon Network and eat Potato Chips

Kiki, my sleepy dog

2007-01-12T21:15:00.000-08:00

pix at home

Halong Bay

Hanoi

Holiday in Vietnam

2007-01-07T08:09:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday!

2006-11-04T22:43:00.000-08:00

The ones in front are the birthday boy and girl. The pic is a bit dark 'cos the 'photographer' forgot to turn on 'flash', but i thought it looks kinda cute.

All of us at Essential Brew, the COSY tea place @ Holland Village. Opposite our table was this bunch of ACJC students, and they joined in the happy birthday songs as well.

The boys

The girls

That's 1 of the desserts i ordered, an Apple crumple with Green tea and Tiramitsu ice cream. Taste good. I like.

2006-10-18T03:13:00.000-07:00

Kop this from Anes's blog. This artistic girl already framed it till so nice.. hahaha.. That was for her super belated birthday hee.. because the blurred me *conveniently* forgot about it. How terribly horrible!

I miss you too. Really hope that our tight schedule now and in the future will not separate us apart. Friends Forever!
*hugz*

2006-09-15T08:27:00.000-07:00

enlarge the pic so you can see more clearly. Sharmaine, can you spot Ah Soh? and Khai Leng, do you see Wei Lian aka Ah Lian? :) Wonder if any more of my dearies here are related to WeiChern, John's OCS buddies..

2006-09-15T07:54:00.000-07:00

I kop this from Zhenghan's blog, think it looks funny. We were supposed to act like in family portrait, and being the only girl there, i guess i automatically became the mother.

Friend

2006-09-13T06:13:00.000-07:00

... So Jane is flying off next Mon, and wont be back till next year. Holiday passed so fast, as always. We all grow up, 21 years old, so big already. We are going separate ways pursuing different career paths, knowing more people, having found our other halves, but our friendship doesn't change with years, we are still quite 'stupid' together hahaha.. I really feel thankful that our friendship doesn't fade with time, that we understand there are certain period when we may seem distant, but deep down we still care. That's the beauty of friendship. And that's how you find friends for life... you may not need a friend to live by, you can survive without the person, but you want to have him/her in your life, because that's how it makes your life meaningful and worth living for.

Happy National Day!

2006-09-02T11:05:00.000-07:00

the 4 of us were at NTU Hall 12 function room for 2/9 celeration. For my non-Vietnamese friends, it is my NATIONAL DAY!!

Anyway, the flower isn't mine if you were thinking that it is.. hahaha.. it's our 'surprised' sunflower for Hieu, the guy with the guitar. (he came over here from NUS to be the 'guest' performer). Being the Idol in NUS and all, NTU must be proud to get him to perform here hahaha. Well, to the 14 of us who have known each other for 7 years, i guess to each other, we are just the same old brand new.

To me, Hieu is still that boy who used to hide himself under the table in RELC and sing 'Yesterday' in 1999. Tu Anh is still that cute girl who has thousands of stories to tell about her beloved cat mimi. Trang likes West Life, Thanh Ha and her pink stuffed toy pig, Chi and her 'violent' character, Nguyen and her Dalat stories, and Hang... oh, this is a little bit different, i didnt know her much at first, or rather things i used to know about her wasn't true of her personalities, for this, i'm really happy that now to me, she is one special fren too. And the rest of my friends who came over here on 4/Oct/1999... sometimes, looking back makes me feel puzzled about my future. i am graduating soon and 'Should i stay? should i go?'

I am very much a Vietnamese but more often than not, my friends tell me that i'm very singaporean and worse, my student told me she is less singaporean than me cos she didn't know as many places in singapore as i do. Well, i attribute this to the fact that i have stayed here for long and i like to explore this land to see new places with my singaporean friends.

But John and Albert were right, i was truely happy in those pix that i took with my group of vietnamese frenz. It is when i can speak those funny slangs that there is no way English can express, when i can talk about places and people that everyone knows without the need for any further explanation, when i feel like i'm home.

It's been rather long since when i last attended a national day celebration. feeling a bit nostalgic, but guess it is the same for everyone who is far from home. (Got a msg from my sister and parents saying 'happy national day', miss those times at home watching the parade on TV and got my dad to explain to me what forces those groups were)
'north, south, east, west, home is the best'

Well, if i decide to stay, it means i have to trade in all these feelings for 1 person. It is not as easy as what some people may thing, it's never an easy decision to make. You understand very well how much home means to me, and it just goes to show how much you mean to me. Why can't i have both beside me? perhaps it was meant to be that way the day my little feet stepped into Singapore, or should it actually be the other way round? the day your big feet stepped into Vietnam?

Paris

2006-08-29T09:43:00.000-07:00

so my friend has left for Paris.

It reminded me so much of the time when you left. looking at them and i really cried, just that it wasn't accompanied with those loud hiccups. (too paiseh to cry so loud also)
Is the airport's departure hall the saddest place in the world? For a lot of people, it isn't. But for certain persons, it is the place where they hug and cry, the place where one looks through that glass door feeling empty.

You won't start crying before the other enters that glass door, so i guess i should narrow down my statement. It isn't the departure hall that is the sad place, don't we laugh and smile and joke before boarding time? it is that door. The thick glass door that only allows passengers to enter, that separates the 'stays' and the 'departs', that you say your quick goodbyes, you hug, you cry, and you hold the person's hands just to let go in a few seconds... and you are filled with a sense of emptiness..

Come on, it's just a short trip, half a year, 1 year? time will fly. but before it can really fly, there is an inevitable feeling of being lost. That is also the time when you realise how much the person means to you. It is strange how we need distance to show us how really important our loved ones are, even though day in day out we know that they are super important to us.

I empathise with my friend and her bf. Perhaps they must be feeling as horrible as how i used to being parted for a year. It's always very hard for the 'stays', but i guess it isn't that easy for the 'departs' either, even when new opportunities are awaiting for them in the new land.

To all the long-distance relationships in the world, i know true love will make it through, whatever comes along. Understand, have courage, be strong!

Kbox outing!!

2006-08-28T03:53:00.000-07:00

These are some pictures from my outing.. we had a small picnic first then at around 11pm they suddenly decided to go Kbox, so off we went to Kbox (or is it KTV?) They will *punch* me for being so blur.. hahaha..
We got a big room for the 11 of us, sang until 3am. i drank 2 cups of hot honey lemon cos the room was super duper cold, and noone brought any jacket since it was straight after our picnic. I ended up hugging 2 school bags, while Nam Chi used guitar cover as blanket, and my friend next to me hugged....... newspaper.......

Let's start!

... on the bus...

... run run.. quick.. the green man is blinking!!!

.. hey, what time should we sing until? until they close?

....wow... so cold! freezing! good lighting!

....Let's sing "from a distance", we sang this together 7 years ago!

2006-08-25T07:43:00.000-07:00

Drew these pix in 2001 mid of sec 4, which was already 5 years ago. I'm not sure who i missed at that time. An imaginary little prince that i had never met? In my pix, the girl is sending her prince away, to the war? to a place far far away? i'm not sure, i just know that they are parted, and that she is feeling really sad, so i drew the sadness in her eyes, but also gave them an inner strength so that she'll be able to wait for him to come back. It is that kind of feeling you have when you know your loved one must leave you, you are scared of being far apart, scared that something bad will happen to him, scared that he won't return, but you know that no matter what you will still wait for the day he comes back.

For a moment at that time, i wondered what would happen if i were to be in this girl's situation. Would i be miserable everyday or would i be strong? Imagine too much as always, but hey, i think what i had imagined about is not that different from what really happens in my life. I did have to ask myself this question unfortunately, or rather fortunately.

Do you believe that people meet because of fate, or what the vietnamese refer to as 'duyen phan' and the chinese refer to as 'yuan fan'? Is it fate that we've got the chance to meet good friends? and is it also fate that some people enter our lives to stay and some to walk away no matter how much we wanna keep them there?

2006-08-23T03:44:00.000-07:00

Mr Popular "Ah Soh"

2006-08-19T10:24:00.000-07:00

'Ah soh' really won the Mr Popular title! Thanks to my, Hong wei's and Hong wei's girlfriend's votes... hahaha.. we kept saying that he must have won by 3 votes.
It was fun to see another side of Wei Hong, John's OCS friend whom i usually refer to as 'ah soh'. Was trying hard to remember that his real name is Wei Hong during the pageant, if not, i would have cheered "Go Ah Soh!" during his performance and made him paiseh. Never did i imagine that he can dance on stage man and 'cat walk' hahaha... Bravo!

I love you Grandma

2006-08-11T08:24:00.000-07:00

as i read 'chicken soup for the soul', it felt like the book was really healing my soul, gathering all the pieces which have scattered around since when the hospital 'suspected' that my dad had cancer (thank God that the specialist said that it wasn't cancer)and when i burnt the jossticks for my grandma. That old smily winkled face of her etched in my head and mind, never will it fade. i didnt say my last goodbye to her, i would never be able to. i didn't return soon enough and she couldnt wait.

The life of an international student, glamour, knowledge, eye opening experiences and all, but nothing comes free. It is too hard to believe that someone so dear to me has left me forever. The cold picture show her face looking at me, the same old look, but why did it seem so distant? she always said among all the grandchildren, i was the most stubborn girl, always liked to do things in my own way, but i cared for her cos i care to massage for her when she was tired (i used to dislike that job though), talked to her and entertained her.

her life was beyond my imagination, a life story that i thought would only exist in novels. Became an orphan at the age of 5, my grandma was sent to a rich family to be a maid, and during her time, being maids are actually close to being slaves. all the stories about the tortures from her little Missy and Mr that she had to endure since the age of 5 always make my blood boil, always thought that if i were to live at that time, i would rescure her out of that Cruella family. i dont know if my grandpa was the one who rescued her, she had never told me about how she got out of it.

stories about her can go on forever. but i dont like to be the one who tell them all. i miss my grandma. i miss knowing that she was there, that she was waiting for my next holiday to come.

sometimes i wish that i had returned earlier, that i had been able to send her away. but it is now all too late. knowing that it is just wishing in vain makes my heart sink. I tried to forgive myself for not knowing what was happening. A picture can paint a thousand words, but even a thousand pictures cannot pain one's feelings. Good nite Grandma! I love you.

2006-07-19T09:49:00.000-07:00

All of us grow stronger with time, everyone says so. But sometimes i wonder where the true meaning behind it really lies. If you feel bad for the first time something happens and you cry... the next time it happens again, you feel equally bad but you just force yourself not to cry because you feel the pressure of having to be stronger than the first time... it is just the same feeling minus the tears... does it make you any stronger?

Havent been teaching my ID trainee for quite long, and i felt bad, but I guess we all are desperate for some breathing space at certain point in time. Dun have a place in hostel yet, hopefully by the time i come back here, there will be a room for me.

I miss watching World Cup together, i miss cheering for England beside someone who hates them. i miss hi5-ing when Germany scored. Where will you (and i) be in 2010? Your Marist gang should have finished uni, waiting for commencement in NUS and convocation in NTU by then. Will Singapore make it to 2010 worldcup? i told you my honest opinion about it while we were walking to Esplanade that day hahaha... i think you should still remember.

Went back to Tj to visit Mrs Loo today and updated her with everything i could remember.

always feel nostalgic whenever i return to my old schools, be it CHIJ or Tj, not because i'm die-hard TJ fan like what Weimin said but because of the many memories etched in my mind. In every corner of the school, i imagined all of us walking, running, chatting. I thought i saw 22/02 doing physics prac with Mrs Loo hopping around when i walked pass the physics labs. i chose to order 'wild wild west' breakfast set, the most well liked dish in the cafeteria during our era. The auntie told me "girl, you dont know ah? now students have changed their taste already. Last time lunch time, 1 big pot of chicken stew (my fav!) also not enough, now very few people order, they all want beef stew so i dont cook chicken stew anymore, change to beef already!"

Time flies and people change, and i am gonna enter the corporate world in just 1 year. We grow up too fast, i miss the past. Memories fade with time, slowly we wont be able to remember all the details of what has happened, but as long as you can vaguely recall them, they stay in you forever. Somehow you have the power to make me believe that the beautiful past will always be with me and the present is even more beautiful. With you, feeling nostalgic is kinda sweet. Without you, nostalgia makes me feel as if i'm having a big chunk of wood in my throat and dun seem to be able to swallow it down. what a stupid feeling, rite?

I want to make myself think less, care less, ignore more, be indifferent.. Maybe with time, i will be able to.

'cock cock ke' jacket

2006-06-04T08:30:00.000-07:00

Had a good dinner at Sakae Sushi with John's mum then went shopping with her for a while looking for some sporty clothes at Royal Sporting House and Arena. I like the Le coq Sportif jacket, the brand that Rayner once refered to as the 'Cock cock ke' brand hahahaha...

John's coming back real soon and that makes my day everytime i think of it, no matter how tiring work can be. It's like so long since when we walked along the bridge near Esplanade there. I really hope that i dont have to work OT when he's back.. .

Just realised Paul Twohill is my council president, Edmund Twohill's brother. i was so sure that he must be somehow related to my council senior cos don't think so many people in Singapore will have that surname Twohill. Edmund is very different from Paul i think, from appearance to the way he talks. So besides the most dramatised performance 'Tell Laura I love her' by my council fren Lay shi wei, Paul Twohill is also a pleasant surprise.

Time to sleep, tmr awaits me with more work to do, and OT as per normal. Good nite everyone, 6 more weeks to go... and we'll be free. (i hate those with 8 week internship hahahaha... if only i can shorten mine from 10 to 8 weeks... dream on...)

2006-05-31T01:52:00.000-07:00

Generally, knowing a person well enough will likely make you closer to the person and like him/her better, but sometimes it makes you totally put off because you have just discovered for yourself how sucky the person really is. It is the same for a place, a school, a country, or this whole life and the meaning (if it has one) behind it.
And then you realised that in that misty, dusty and smoky castle lived a twinkle of hope, a beautiful soul that lighted up this hopeless world. Unscrupulous as the world may seem to be, or the way people force it to be, if you look hard, hidden somewhere in time is that magical light shining faintly. Some people see the light, some searching in vain but fail to discover one.
Sometimes i wonder what i am doing here, one third of my life so far was spent away from my family. It was the coin of life that i tossed and never in my dream did i know that single decision changed my life forever. I'm so carefree, yet i think too much. I laugh easily, so i laugh at adversity as well, and yet i find it so hard to live without a person.
Everything is making me sick, work, school, hypocrites...

Sometimes when i watch those teenage movies, i wish i could have that simple life where i have a home to return to everyday, where i can meet my boyfriend at weekends, or at least it is as simple as that sentence you normally see on the screen '5 years later...'in a blink the movie shows you what happens 5 or 10 years down the road, sometimes i wonder how the person's life is like throughout that 5 or 10 years. 'it's okay, it's alright, .... fight fight fight'.

Some fortune teller whom my aunt brought home to see some feng-shui stuffs when she wanted to rebuild the house saw me (i was about 12) and my mum who happened to be there and told my mum that i would travel across the seas and will go to a far place, and one thing, my eyes were full of joy as well as deep thoughts. My mum didnt take it very seriously, she told me, i was too young that time for her to even think of me going anywhere far. But when she recalled it, if it was just a guess by that fortune teller, she did make an accurate guess about me going to a far place. I personally do not really believe in all those stuffs, but at times it is quite interesting how our life turns out to be the same as what someone said it would be.
It is like a movie.

Jane called me online when i had just finished writing the previously para, talking to her makes me feel better. talking to a true friend will always make you feel good because you know they really care. I saw some JC students in can A when i was having lunch with weimin today after subject registration, it made me miss TJ, weimin said i am die-hard TJcian because i went to download TJ school song hahaa, not sure if i am, but i miss the school, the people i got to know there, the place where i know some people really care a lot for me, where there is no worry about working life, and no worry about being homeless (because i didnt need no bloody point to stay in hostel)

When you face with some difficulty in life, people say 'C'est la vie!', everyone seems to know and say these words, people who know or don't know French. That is life, yes i do know, but all the huddles in life that i have to jump over will be much lower if only you were here. In fact, for now, that huddle of you being far away seems to be the highest of all.

coming back soon, very soon...

me as young working adult

2006-05-19T08:05:00.000-07:00

I went to the client's office alone today. The thought of being there alone was scary at first, but just before i left, Derrick told me "Don't worry lah, you're so friendly, sure can one" and it kinda gave me a bit of extra inspiration.

So, i left my PA firm and off i went to the client's company carrying along my laptop, documents and handbag. I felt asleep in the taxi and woke up just nice when the uncle driver stopped in front of the fountain. The receptionist gave me a bright smile and asked if she can help me with anything. Remembered what my senior used to say when i followed her last week to client's office, i repeated the same thing, trying to sound professional hahaha "Good morning, I am the auditor from ...". The receptionist smiled again and in her sweet voice, she said "Oh, good morning. Let me show you to your room"

First time I've ever worked like an adult on my own. I know Albert sounded as if it's easy to go to client's place and work alone. But for me, sometimes i can be quite timid, i can only be so thick-skinned towards those i've known for long. The responsibility of carrying my PA firm's image isn't a super easy task for me, all my friends there were shocked when they knew that i had to go alone. And so, i was a bit scared that i might mess things up... It turned out to be fine there though.. heehee..

It was fun having an equiped room just for myself,(but of course everytime like that i'll feel sianz lah, my seniors also said, work alone for long sure will be sianz one)

I tried to find everything I possibly can, so I wouldn't have to disturb the accountant so many times, she's friendly towards me though. And it is actually very fortunate because i do remember mingyong's stories.

For the past two weeks, I've learnt lots of new things, i know weimin can surf net everyday and at certain point of time i wish i could be like him, but after all, there's always a positive aspect behind any hard work. Weimin will be busy very soon, next week i think. Maybe when he has lots of things to do, he'll miss the old idle time hahaha.

2006-05-17T05:36:00.000-07:00

now i kinda get to see for myself how an auditor's life is like. Most of us will follow that destined path after graduatation, i thought i would too, but after 2 weeks of work, that path kinda become blurred to me. It's not because of the nature of the job, as in the tasks that they do cos i'm okay with it. It's all because of the long working hours. If working until 2 am is a norm, I'll probably faint in the office after one month. And how about family, will i have a happy family if i always work long hours? i know it's kinda early to think about all this, but it's quite a pressing issue, remember that we're graduating next year. Oh dear, i'm confused. I'm scared that if i become an auditor, i'll have to trade in painting, movies, and all other hobbies because i'll simply have no time for all that. 'Will i be a happy girl, will i be rich? and this is what they said to me. oh Heidi Heidi, whatever will be will be, the future is not for us to see, oh Heidi, Heidi.' Okay, i'm just lame. For now, i guess all i can do is to put my best in all the tasks given to me. And i'll see if my opinion changes at the end of this two and a half months

2006-05-01T11:42:00.001-07:00

i miss you Jane. If you were here to play piano for me, i would feel much better with your soothing music. I have them all in my CDs actually, i bought the '101 famous classical masterpieces' ( the 5 CDs collection) last year. But listening to you playing the music for me and listening to the cd are simply poles apart.

Looking forward to seeing you soon my dear Zane Zane. One more month and you are gonna be back here... and hee.... a bit more and Wei Chern is gonna be back too. That'll be double happiness. And yes, Tu Anh told me she's also coming back, and plus my seniors, that will be triple or quadrup, or whatever more happiness. (all this double, triple things remind me of Ben & Jerry's again hahaha.. i've been eating too much of Ben & Jerry's, it is probably writen on my forehead now). How is Stella doing in Hongkong? i miss Stella.. (and Yan Ling, my beloved seniors cum RI roommates, but lucky blur-queen Yan Ling is working here now, so can meet up more easily)

Sometimes i really wanna turn back time, so that i can be thrown out of this taxing and adult-like university environment. Somehow, JC life is so much simpler... 'la la la no worries' kind of feelings... I must say i become more mature as the result of university life, stronger as well (but still always turn to Wei chern for an answer when i can't find the answer myself hee), but i am still the old optimistic girl that my old dear friends have known me for. (if i had been more mature in jc, my gp wouldnt have been so ja lat hahaha, now look back, i think my essays in jc were darn childish, no substance, not like wei chern's one la... always so mature and thought-provoking... i only liked to write flowery stories in secondary school, yeah, it is so much more fun writing stories.. )

It is now different, knowing more and going through more makes me understand this world a bit better i guess. But my principle won't change (even though now i know this world can be quite stupid sometimes), i want my friends to be happy, and i wanna keep myself happy no matter what. It is for John and my family, for myself and for all those who want me to be a happy girl. Those who are my true friends will be there for me till the end of time. I know very well they definitely will, and I'll always be there for them too, no matter what.

I'm glad that I'm safe (in this world that sometimes turns mad) with the thought that my loved ones are there for me. I know many among them are far away from me by distance, my family, John, Zane Zane, my friends and seniors... but knowing that i have them is enough to warm my heart. Now i've come to realise that good friends are really hard to come by, i treasure my friends more. When i stumble, i know they are there. When i fall, i know they are still there. and when i'm happy, i know they are there again. I just feel really glad that i have them, those i know will always care for me no matter what. I may not even stay in this land after all, where will i be 5 or 6 years down the road? i cant say for now... spending 10 years in this place doesn't make it a solid yes that i'm gonna stay here for the rest of my life. But those friends here that have become so important to me are gonna be there in my life forever.

Of course in the event that i decide to stay here for reason that everyone has known of (rayner, don't laugh!), then i know heehee, my close friends and i are gonna be there for each other till the end of time. Friendship is such a meaningful thing that i have no word to explain. I know it in my heart and my friends know it in theirs. My JC teacher told me that sometimes you have to let go those that are not your real friends after all. It's a really hard thing to learn, really very hard. It is never easy to convince yourself that the person is actually not treating you as her/his friend, but my teacher said in life there are many such people, and you just have to learn to let go when the time comes. I hope i will never need to let go, i would never want to.

Platonic Friends

2006-04-30T09:28:00.000-07:00

so I went to eat ice cream today with my friend (again!). I love Ben & Jerry's, partly because the company is famous for being environmentally responsible (learnt this in Marketing), and i like their service. All the girls are very friendly. I've been eating so much of Ben & Jerry's, Fri with Thanh Ha at Suntec (New York Super Fudge Chunk and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ), then at Rayner's auntie's house (Peanut Butter Cup), and today at Great world city (Cherry). But i think i should still be able to eat more, i just love ice cream.

And in the mean time while we were waiting for something, we happened to talk about platonic friends. Is there such thing as platonic friends forever? Some people don't believe that such thing exists, because they reckon at certain point of time, one party (girl or guy) will surely develop a bit of feelings for the other. Well, that happens to a lot of my friends. Friends >>> close friends >>> couple. But the fact that many people develop the relationship further doesn't render platonic friends impossible, does it?

It is natural that human beings are born to be friends, isn't it? and don't you find it rather funny if girls can only be pure friends to girls, and likewise to guys? (the topic on homosexuality is out-of-scope here)

Somehow it is just very simple and obvious for me that platonic friends definitely exist. My friend is super important to me too, i must say. John knows it better than anyone else, and he's absolutely, definitely, positively happy about it.

I can talk to him about everything on earth, about John Lee Wei Chern (one of his most favorite topics), soccer, McLucky FC. I can give him advice over things that apprarently i know better than him. I can call him stupid, idiot, pig and these are also terms that he uses to address me. I can beat him, kick his leg or step on his foot, this he cant do back to me because he won't hit a girl ( he said he treats me like a boy though) so i have an upper hand on this, but it's kinda unfair and i am noble enough not to use physical abuse haha.

I don't like it when he feels lousy. I really don't like it because this is not the way he is. So i try to think of anything i can do to get him out of the mess. John says he's mature enough to decide, i hope so to. John knows him better than i do.

(Yeah lor, stupid you, it's not worth it, John is always there for you... Hee hee, as a gift from me, i'll let him play soccer or talk cock with you everyday when he comes back la. How about that? sounds like a good deal?)

Come back to the topic on platonic friends, i believe that there are many around, those that really have no intention to change the way they view each other, just forever stay as pure friends. I like my friendship with him, but I don't like him the way I like John, the same goes to him. We ourselves know it very well. Of course people may tease us now and then, but just for fun. They also know that there is nothing between us, that John is absolutely the one and only for me, there is no such thing as number 2, or 3, or any other reserves.

I feel bad, and lousy too, when my friend feels down. I don't know if i can do any stupid thing to cheer him up, may be i can sing 'loi loi ka tong' song (i only know 3 sentences of the song), or support New castle instead of Manu, or eat Ben & Jerry's everyday...

Hope everything is gonna be over soon. I like it when it is simple, though i myself have got into many complicated situations too. But at the end of the day, there are a few people i can always turn to. It is just fair to say so i guess. All of us have many many friends and acquaintances, but there can only be a few soulmates, those that we totally trust and rely on and they trust us in
return.

I wanna see my friend being a happy person again. It's always easy to say from an outsider's point of view, but i really want him to be happy. I know i am lucky to have John, and the darkest day can be brightened up with the thought that he's always there for me, but heehee.. John is also there for you too. No doubt of it! And me too, though he's definitely gonna say 'you ah? don't care la, i have Wei chern enough already'

If you wonder why all these puppy pix are here, i'm just seriously having post-exam syndrome, i sleep so much after exams, not that i didn't sleep a lot during exams time, but now i can wake up at 3 pm or 5pm in the afternoon, I dont think a lot of people can do that haha.. and neither do i have any idea why i can sleep so much... tsk tsk, this is definitely not good for the coming Professional Attachment, better draw out a plan to train myself for PA, cannot afford to be late like for 202 or tax seminar... cannot, cannot.

I'm so happy

2006-04-25T21:19:00.000-07:00

Yeah, i'm so happy... and i dont have any mood for 213. (so weimin, no worries... i'm sure there are many people out there who have no mood for 213, just like you!)

I'm happy not just because exams are over so so so soon, but more because i talked to my seniors just now. And my pretty seniors may be coming to Singapore to visit me (hahaha, not just me, i anyhow say, to visit everyone actually)

There, they are my pretty seniors, one in Wesleyan, one in Cornell now. I miss the time in CHIJ when we stayed at RI boarding. I used to go to their rooms to disturb them, and to play with their stuffed toys because some of them looked really cute and silly (esp a funny bear that has a flattened face :)

Not for sure that both will come though. Cos for my Cornell senior, she may be going to France with her mami, and if it is so, she won't come here.. so the selfish me will cross finger that she won't go to France hehehehe

I'm just so happy knowing that i'm going to see them soon.

'Me to You'

2006-04-23T05:28:00.000-07:00

There are people who have made me happy today.
Thanks Daph who asked me to lunch together,
and my sister who never fails to brighten up my days with all her sms from VN.
And my dear silly, smart, blur, now-in-England Jane who always makes me laugh at my laptop screen.
Thanks Weide for coming all the way to NTU to give me that pleasant surprise. Sorry, i was too shocked to react. I didn't know what to say or what to do hahaha.. although i know i said a lot still, but my mind was quite blank heh. Next time i'll treat you to something okay Captain?
And of course you, for without you, i wouldn't have an anniversary to celebrate in the first place.
Sometimes when i struggle to hold back those silent tears because i reckon i am stronger than that, i've come to convince myself that every step i take will bring me nearer to your dream. And in a blink you'll come back my doctor... ( i mean everyone's doctor, not just mine :)
Don't worry for me. I will be happy knowing you are always there.

2nd anniversary

2006-04-20T07:38:00.000-07:00

Wishing you were somehow here again

Wishing you were somehow near

Sometimes it seemed

If I just dreamed, some how you would be hear

...

This Sun will be our 2nd anniversary.

There will be no NYDC, no 'The Sound of Music', no last minutes buying clothes just because I was wearing shorts and T-shirt (not knowing 'the sound of music' was awaiting for me) and wouldn't be able to enter Esplanade Theatre dressing that way.

There will be no Singapore River's cooling breeze, no retro-looking Fullerton..

There will be me here and you there.

If i had known about this, perhaps i should have waited until July before i said '. .... ...', so we could be able to celebrate all the anniversaries together hee hee

But as i said, or you said, before that it doesn't really matter which dates we celebrate all the events. In deed, everyday should be a day of celebration.

Thank you for convincing me that we will be able to make it through, for giving me the reasons to smile everyday how tiring it may be, for loving me the way i am and not trying to convert me into some lady-like girl (but i do try to improve myself hee hee, remember our bet over whether i would be able to wear heels when you come back after 5 years there, i still believe that I will definitely win the bet heh)...

Thank you for being my inspiration, for everything...

Life is Beautiful

2006-04-16T22:41:00.000-07:00

I saw my friend today, and somehow the subtly weary look on her face etched in my mind. It wasn't at all obvious, it was so subtle that i wondered for a while, after i said 'good luck for exams' to her, whether what i thought was right. But it can't be wrong!

I've known her for quite some time, this sweet pretty girl who laughs a lot, and the two of us, together with another girl, can laugh like 'siao cha bo' without stopping. But must emphasise that besides sometimes going crazy with me, she's totally sweet, someone really dependable. When i was a bit down at some point of time during my year 1, she was the one who encouraged me and gave me her support (for this i must name Anesia as well).

I had always thought that my little cute friend should deserve the most wonderful love story written in the stars, and that it would have an 'and they lived happily ever-after' ending.

But sometimes things in life do not turn out the way we have always imagined them to be. Our path changes its direction without us being aware of it. I didn't ask her for the details of what had gone wrong because i didn't see the need for it. Whatever happened had already happened.

Somehow, as she talked and still smiled widely today, i sensed something subtly different. It isn't the bright effortless smile like before... i really felt the weight in it, is it just because of exams pressure? i doubt so... and somehow i heard myself cursing the guy in my head! I might be bias, but i don't care, she's my friend! and it is heart-pain for me seeing my friend get hurt.

Time will heal everything, people always say. But i think time is not really the factor that heals things. It takes people to hurt people, and it also takes people to cure people. It's our family and friends that guide us through our hard times, not something invisible like time which people conveniently attribute everything to.

I want you to know that I will always be there for you, all of us are. You said, life isn't a bed of roses, so must move on. The second statement is true, yes you must move on! but i wanna tell you that your life is still as beautiful as a bed of roses! In fact you yourself are as beautiful as one! One incident in life doesn't make it sucky, perhaps it's just like a worm in that rose garden that we grow. One day a swift will come and help us get rid of the irritating worm.

Either Tu Anh or Nam Chi used to say that i 'wear rose-color glasses', hee, i don't mind 'wearing' them. This life has a lot to offer, and though we may stumble and fumble now and then, these won't have the power to stop us from moving forwards, especially when we have friends who are there for us and believe in us.

I know you are strong enough to move on. You can make it! Fight-on! ohhhhhh!

2006-04-13T11:32:00.000-07:00

I drew those pictures in my autograph book in JC, that was how i kinda look like during JC time, long pony tail, always have blue rubber band, and always have my bumble bee with me until my classmates associate bumble bee with thu huong. (I will keep my long hair again after this, some how i think I feel more comfortable having a pony tail than a hair band)

I miss my teacher in JC. Teaching with a passion must be one of the most honorable thing on earth. Being a teacher is not just about improving students' academic results, it's about teaching them to have a heart, to care, to trust themselves and other people, to stand up for their friends, and to laugh and be happy.

I like to teach, that's true. I'm not a teacher though, just a tutor, and i'm not the most gentle tutor on earth, far away from it... I know I raise my voice at my student, even in front of her parents (somehow when things get on my nerve, i become oblivious of people around me, only to feel kinda embarassed realising it after that), because she said 'i think i can't, i'm gonna fail tomorrow. i think i study also no use!', i scold her not because she's not as smart as any other person can be, but because i don't want her to quit before she even tries.

What is the point then, thinking you're gonna fail even before the battle starts, are you gonna get anywhere at all? If you said you're gonna fail, you don't need to go for it then, do you? just stay at home thinking of failing? is it all you wanna do? Is that how you're gonna help yourself achieving your own dream?

I said all these without knowing that my student almost cried. To my horror, i realised it after she kinda made a sniffing sound.

I know my words may not be as sweet as you want it to be, we are more like friends than tutor and student, and i hope you know that i scold you from the point of view of a friend, not a lecturer.

And my student stood up, drank her water, went to the toilet washed her face, and she returned with a smile. And i know she understood what i meant, "yeah! let's continue with our lesson!"
It is more often than not that i spend quite a lot of time telling my student how i think she might change her concept of school, of people viewing her as 'not belonging to their type'.

I'm not anywhere near being a teacher who has 100 of students under her care, because i'm just a normal tutor friend, but i know whatever form of teaching it may take, it is a meaningful thing. A happy smile at the end of the day, even though i may have cursed it having to wake up to go for tuition (as all of you guys know, it's an achievement for me to wake up ontime for lesson, i just love sleeping).

It is more than seeing my student's grades improving, it's about seeing her being a more cheerful person, seeing her being more confident of herself,and seeing her being happier with her firends. She still moans over things and still 'bargains' with me to go for more tuitions because she can't understand her school work, i would still scold her now and then, and still complain to my friends about having to go for tuition on certain days and can't catch a movie or something. But it warms my heart when my student says 'thank you' to me for teaching her, or when she gets some presents for me after she goes for trips overseas.

I don't know if i would ever become a teacher in the future, my friends often tell me that my students will surely, definitely, absolutely 'bully' me (because i would be mistaken as their friend, not teacher taking into account my not-very-ladylike and clumsy behavior.... Evil! I would like to remind you that i'm a girl, ya? i'm a girl you know, so a girl is naturally girly, isn't she?). Okay, i won't totally brush away the fact that it could be true i may be 'bullied' by my students, but wait, i can be fierce at times if it is something that i feel is not right hee hee.. Yes, the word is there, I FEEL! no ground for feelings, it is just purely intuition. But I think people feel happy when they can follow their heart, and don't have to force themselves to bahave in a way that is depicted my the society.

my junior high school

2006-04-06T10:57:00.000-07:00

I like this photo a lot, sad that we didn't have a digital cam that time so all i have is the hard copy photo. It was taken around 7 years ago, we were around 14 years old then, on my school yard, on the last day of my junior-high school years.

Our school's name sounds really great 'Secondary school for gifted students' hahaha.. Many of my friends here were like 'wow!!! for gifted students?' when i told them the name of the junior-high school that i came from, and time after time i need to tell them 'erm.. not that special lar. Every province has 1 such school'. Well, junior-high was the last year of my studies in VN, I didn't have a chance to experience the high school life (the time that everyone says is the best of all times), and sometimes i wonder how it would have been like if i had been there...

These two girls have made a difference in my life. And i know that, now and always, they'll be there for me. We were the trio in class that always scored full mark for almost every single one of the 13 subjects that we took (except for PE hahaha) bcos we somehow always found a way to discuss during tests. Even when the teachers made us do separate test papers like count 1, 2, 1, 2 and all the 1s would do test A and 2s would do test B, if we've got time, we'd do both tests and then exchanged answers. And we're 'darn' friendly and nice to our classmates cos we also told them the answer if they couldnt solve any questions. Those were the times. The one on the left is me ( last time always had 2 braids), the one in the middle is super zai at geometry and arithmetics, in fact she's good at everything lar (but she hates stats hahaha), the one on the right is the monitress of my class (her mum is the vice head of my province, always see her on TV) hey dear, you remember both of them rite? they even cooked for you and Edwin that time hahaha, Ngoc's sis is going to Melbourne for her master, i forget to tell you.

I miss my school and things that are associated with us. Because of the name of my school, and that all the 'gifted' schools are always small compared to others due to the small intakes, students from other schools sometimes thought that we stuck up... Well, totally wrong, cos we're such a friendly bunch of students. (must provide another fact that we're not 'nerds' though again the name may suggest this)

You cant see clearly from this pic, but roughly that is one of the buildings of my school. i like it, especially when my class was at the corner of the level, so whatever we wanted to do, we always had enough time to clear up everything before teachers came. And can you see that everyone is wearing a red scraf? well, socialist country, so wearing red scarf is compulsory for us. we'd get demerit points if we happened to forget, and this explains why there are shops out side the school that rent out red scarves to students, what a joke! One thing good about the red scarf, it makes little girls and boys look cuter, scarves always make children look adorable i think. I still have mine somewhere at home i guess.

Why am i blogging at this point of time when exam is so near, well, i'm waiting for Mingyong see if i need to do anything else for 213 hahaha, so in mean time i just feel like writing something, being the like-to-write-things- girl.

2006-04-04T04:47:00.000-07:00

German is no easy to handle. Besides 2 class tests and and an oral test, my teacher still gives us pop quizes everytime. I was lucky to miss one pop quiz cos i pon-teng that lesson to study for 201 in class assigment (being a last-min girl as my group people have known me for). Never did i wanna skip any German class, but it was inevitable that time cos i had too little time for 201.
Ironically, as i said before, of all the modules i take this sem, i only like German whose grade is not counted for us, the 2004 batch.
Everyone has a passion. It is when you know, on the surface you may not benefit that much from it, you love it anyway and do it no matter what, because deep down inside you know your heart is smiling. And i need to give a thousand thanks to my 213 group mates for not nagging at me, cos i'm kinda lagging that day having a headache with my 201, yet still get myself busy with my German (none of their business). The last German test, an oral test, was over this evening after my teacher said 'Sehr gut. das ist alles Thu Huong' , still have one more final lesson though. But at least now i can spend more time reading up on 213.

I think friendship is somewhat similar to a see-saw. It's a game that we enjoy since childhood. It is easy to play, you don't have to manipulate much to enjoy it because noone wins or loses in this game (or should i say both are the winners), but sometimes you might get hurt if you don't balance properly. most importantly, you can't play it alone for you will just sink if noone is there to lift you up. So to my friends who have always supported me (esp after weichern left for Australia), it is a great joy having you all as friends.

2006-04-03T20:08:00.000-07:00

it's the debate over who is darker that is going on among my group people. Well, it's an unfair argument for 1 single soul needs to defend against 5 or 6 other people. But it doesn't matter, does it? both are pretty despite being darker or not (but still one of them is prettier than the other hee hee). We're just lame, exams pressure must have gotten hold of our mind. Anyway, to the guy who everyone- knows- by- now- that- he is attached: "everyone knows that u're attached la, don't need to be secretive anymore :) "

I miss you

2006-04-01T11:10:00.000-08:00

...
Say you love me every waking moment,
turn my head with talk of summertime...
Say you need me with you now and always...
Promise me that all you say is true -
that's all I ask of you...
....
All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night...
and you, always beside me,
to hold me and to hide me...
....
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime...
say the word and I will follow you...
Share each day with me, each night, each morning...
Say you love me...
- that's all I ask of you...
Anywhere you go let me go too...
Love me
- that's all I ask of you...

I miss everything. It has been one and a half month, the longest time that i've ever experienced being far away from you. I remember how bad i had felt when you went to Brunei or Taiwan for OCS training. But those times were only for one month. Sometimes I feel proud of myself for being strong and that I've got this far, though it's only a baby step in this long long journey that we have to go through, but every journey starts with one baby step.

I miss you much. I miss tapping my hand on your face, and squeezing your cheeks so that you'd look like Tweetie Bird. I miss hanging around Esplanade watching soccer, eating cup corn (my favorite). I miss playing the 1, 2, 3, 4 game with our thumbs, you're so pro and i always lost cos i'm blur and slow. I miss watching the beautiful fireworks and the incidence that i was (as you said so mischievious and smart) saying something that you completely couldn't comprehend what on earth i was talking about (this is a secret between us, i know you 'admire' my mischief hahaha).

I miss you a lot. I miss all your funny expressions, some of them are requested by me like "do you think you can act out a 'bitchy' face like the way Rayner do?" You would say "huh? so paiseh, ask me to make 'bitchy' face" but still act out to please me. I miss the way you can imitate all kind of voices or noices so well, a news reporter, an Australia interviewer, a puppy, a dog. I miss all your answers to my questions, last time weimin and Daph laughed at me at the airport for asking you silly questions do you still remember? somehow you always have an answer to my every enquiry, even if you don't know, you will just cook up a reasonable reply that you know i'll accept it anyway, and you've never been irritated with me for asking you all the questions on earth.
me: why is this song so stupid? the person only sings 'mami wo yao $, mami wo yao $?
you: erm.. it shows the emotion of the teenager and what he is going through.
me: okie, sounds good
... and continued listening to the song.
another time...
me: why are you going away, is it just for your own self?
you: no, it's for both of us
me: okie
and yet another time...
me: why are they not showing the movie here?
you: look at me ah, look carefully ah.
me: *look at you attentively, waiting for an answer*
you: do i look like i'm the owner of the cinema?
you, me: hahaha

I miss the way you always encourage me to study hard for exams, but always bring me out during weekends to watch movies cos you say i deserve a break. i miss all your surprised flowers and cards, those that never fail to brighten up my days. I miss the way you lift me up off the ground and swing me around like i'm your little brother.

I miss marching with you along the road, the Chinese way is different from the Singaporean way. I miss cycling along east coast at night (the lazy me just sit behind) and that super steep road near your house which i thought it feels like flying everytime you cycle downslope.

So many other things that i miss, sometimes it hurts missing somebody or something too much. I, or rather, we still have a very long journey ahead... I really miss you a lot... but i know i can make it through no matter what, i will definitely make it.

2006-04-01T01:03:00.000-08:00

Everyone is getting attached. love is in the air... This reminds me of "Love Actually", one of my favorite movies. And "Love Actually" means Christmas (Noel in French and Vietnamese) the most beautiful moment of the year. All the arguments or disappoitments came to an end just for Noel.. the lovely feeling that one has in this season make it impossible to feel angry (at least for me). A bit out-of-point talking about Noel in April, but all love stories make me think of Christmas (Noel 2003 and all other Christmas that i've spent and will spend with you). And for my clique girls and guy, who are not "in a relationship" yet, oneday, may be during Noel, Santa Claus will send the right one down... noone knows.
......
It's a little problem for girls who have close guy friends. I asked Rayner before what it'll be like if oneday he has a girlfriend, well, obviously I wouldn't dare to talk over the phone for 2 hours to him just because my friends told me some silly ghost stoties and I didnt dare to sleep. Story narators are Sharmaine, Weimin, Albert, MingYong, Irene, Angeline,KhaiLeng and Qing Wen if I remember correctly, with the ghost-in-the-blanket story told by weimin that scared the hell out of me.

It's different for a close girl friend, when Thanh Ha, and my other girl friends, got attached, we can still go out, chat over stupid things, pop by for a dinner and everything. Of course we won't spend so much time hanging out like previously but attached or not, the things that we do don't change much.

Rayner used to tell me that everything would still be the same because his future (don't know when it'll be) girlfriend will be very easy-going and she'll like me, and i'll like her too. But how? Even if it's the case, I'll feel paiseh myself, obviously i wont dare to 'bully' him like i'm so naturally used to. Don't get me wrong, it's not that i don't want him to have a girlfriend, i just wonder how it'll be like for the friendship, and a bit worried that i'll say or do some silly things that make my guy friend's gf feel uneasy.

I never like my guy friends in any way that's more than friendship ( really platonic friends cos i'm a faithful girl heh.. and you know it the best heehee), it's only natural for everyone to feel closer to some people than to others, guys or girls.

It goes to show that, we've all grown up in one way or another. When we grow up, childhood or teenage friendship may be over taken by other priorities in life that we are gonna have, and all this will slowly shape the way we treat our old friends. It is not whether it's good or bad, it's just an inevitable part of life. It doesn't matter much the way we behave, (because a little boy/girl acts in a different way as a teenager, a teenager behaves differently
as a young gentleman/lady, and a young gentleman/lady doesn't do the same stuffs as an adult) what is most essential is that we treasure our friendships. And in certain cases, it's not even natural that friendship strengthens with time, for it sometimes takes much effort to keep a friendship from unknowingly fading away from your busy and stressful life.

think of me

2006-03-31T08:07:00.000-08:00

Think of me
think of me fondly,
when we've said goodbye.
Remember me once in a while
please promise me you'll try.
When you find that,
once again, you long to take your heart back and be free
if you ever find a moment,
spare a thought for me

wo bu yao la jiao

2006-03-30T05:22:00.000-08:00

Dr. Kelly Khim (KK) was standing behind us talking to another group. Then she turned to my group and oops, i realised weimin was sleeping. how? i quickly pulled his jacket to wake him up. "haha, that was not very discrete" said KK.. "but it's ok, i know he always sleeps in class"
So that was the last 201 lesson of the year (not counting the final presentation though). This semester has been tough for all of us, especially those who take other modules besides the cores. And when we feel that everything is in a mess, exams never fail to come.

Had a long day today with German ending at 8pm, rather tired, but i did make an effort to dabao diner as i have promised John that i would take care of myself while he's away. And to my horror, my noodle was full of chilli without me asking for it. It was the smashed type, not the cut chilli so i couldn't pick it out easily. I was so darn tired to care about trying to scoup out the chilli, so i just threw the whole package away, feeling guilty for doing that ( Spoilt brat, i thought i heard Pam say this in my head ), and stupid for not telling the person "bu yeo la cheo please" (my own way of speaking Chinese)

So there goes my dinner, feeling self-pity (this is a silly feeling and i always remind myself that i should never feel that way)... if only i were at home, even if i had thrown the food away, someone would have cooked something else for me... you know during exams, you are more pampered than other days... If only John or Jane were here...

Well, at least the laughter from yesterday still have some remnant in me, making me feel a little bit happier. Watched 'Ice Age 2' with Zhenghan, Darrel and Wai Kiat (not sure how to spell his name) at Cine, my favourite Cinema where i've watched dun-know how many movies. I told Pam and weimin during 201 that "for those who are dating, i mean during the 'chasing' phase, watching it will be even better cos there are some funny conversations between the 2 mammoths" and it was followed by the various interpretations of the word 'dating'..

You mean when 2 persons are a couple, it's not called 'dating'?
Yes, it's called 'dating'. We say the couple have a date, rite?
You mean during the 'chasing' phase, they are not called 'couple'?
No, they are not couple yet (i think so)
If you are not yet together with the person, people won't name it 'couple', will they?

Whatever it is about the dating part. I think everyone who is feeling stressed up with exams or projects should give him/herself a break and watch ice age 2 in the cinema, not vcd, cos it's entertaining when so many people in the cinema laugh together (if you liked ice age, you'll surely like ice age 2)

2006-03-27T09:30:00.000-08:00

2006-03-24T11:02:00.000-08:00

Today’s Accounting Information System (AC213) lab session was special, very special in deed, for there came (drum effect at the background) the grand entrance of Dr. B, 30-year-old (confirmed by Pam) but looking 20 plus. Very pleasant-looking she is (courtesy of MY’s comment), and that drove all my class guys mad (those non-attached ones lah…), but too bad.. the observant Pam pointed out the ring on her left hand (confirmed married liao….but again I remember Khai Leng also wears one leh hahahaa)
It’s all started by Daph who typed ‘all the guys must be very happy lah’
And then all the comments poured down like waterfall (oh, we were chatting on msn, cos it’s an IT lab session, so while teacher was talking, we just opened a window and added everyone into the conversation to spice up our mood if anyone happened to feel sleepy)

Her fringe is darn attractive! (Qing Wen)
Hot, she keeps standing in front of me! (Wei Min)
Handwriting very nice le!
Perfect!
Now I know a working woman is attractive!

Well, Albert didn’t contribute much to this for there were other more unknown important things on his mind. Mong Yong was too excited (think those bona- fide kapo us were even more excited than him) about his beloved girlfriend’s birthday to care about Dr. B. Seeing his photos, I always think that Ming yong’s gf is very pretty, though never meet her in real life before, lucky guy ah, Ming Yong.

Supposed to attend some FACT Talk after 213, and the guys were dying to go there ‘cos Dr. B was gonna go there as well. Didn’t know if QW went in the end, but the unfortunate Wei min had something on… miss the chance of a life time, cos next week another teacher is coming.

Well, the arbitrator declared that my contract with Wei Min should be voluntarily terminated due to the breach of a fundamental condition (this is settled out of court for the privacy sake of both parties)… hahaha, what rubbish!

Dear (John, not Wei Min ah), remember I was joking about you going overseas so I signed a contract with Wei Min for him to be my substitute for 5 years? So sometimes I just teased him over this stupid thing, but now ah, think if I continue teasing him, he’ll be deprived of his chances out there… hahaha…. (like according to Albert), there was a girl, in Café by the Quad that day, who is actually Weimin’s SECRET admirer, and she must be very sad after listening me… poor thing!

And weekends come again, how I dislike this feeling! How it was so exciting waiting for weekends to come, not just to relax after one long week (everyday lesson ends 6:30 or 7:30pm for me) but also to watch movies, to eat porridge at glutton square, to lose wallet (hahaha), to watch soccer, to meet at all the fun restaurants like the German buffet, to go to Esplanade my favorite place, to receive so many surprised little cards fo no reason like this cute one (you see the paper's turning yellow with time already hee hee), to…. the list goes on forever… It’s now slightly different… no, it’s just an euphemism saying ‘slightly different’, I should say it’s ‘poles apart’ (in accordance with Irene’s and my creative choice of words in writing our 202 report), for I spend more time doing my art works now, and looking through my French although I’ve decided to continue with German (the only thing I like for this semester but ironically it’s just a general elective and therefore not counted). Sometimes I wonder how life’s gonna be like for the next 5 years meaning 60 months, 1825 days, 43800 hours (and I don’t wanna count till minutes, or seconds or mini seconds because the figure will be too big, very demoralizing). I had wanted to make myself super occupied by registering for 2 extra modules this semester( besides my cores which already give me a mountain of readings) but I realized it didn’t work that way, cos I seldom study during weekends, and it’s during the weekends that I wanna make myself busier. And there’s no point adding more pressure to my weekdays for I’ve already had enough of all the core modules, so I decided to drop one of it (inspired by Tingkang who also dropped the consumer law hee)

((….just after I finished typing the above para, some girl who spoke French called me over Skype, she got my contact from this blog, and she thought that I must know how to speak French very well (because of my blog name ‘J’aime mon wombat’), but sad to say, I can’t converse everything I want to in French, so I just spoke a few sentences to her. I don’t know her, I think she got the wrong person; maybe she was looking for some long lost friend…))

Sometimes, when I try to visualize what Zhenghan’s going through, I can’t help tearing, imagining that he needs to put up a brave facade, but even if he’s just trying hard to pretend to be brave, the act itself is already brave enough (if you get what I mean). It makes me wonder why so many people around me (and also including myself sometimes) complain so much about long-distance relationships (ldr), being dumped or whatever and in turn become super miserable over it..
Come on, for ldr or break-up, at least we are still ALIVE to make things happen, to wait for our loves till the day we’re re-united in the case of ldr, or to make a brand new start after having been heart-broken once. But it’s just human nature to sometimes lose control and dwell into self-pity. We’ve forgotten that we are still fortunate enough to have a chance to continue with our dreams, and that the road ahead is still full of pleasant surprises waiting for us to discover, so let’s make a positive difference to other people’s lives by stopping ourselves from thinking about all the miseries which in many instances are actually not that miserable come to think of it carefully.

Idealistic as I may seem to be, it’s partly true, isn’t it? And to Zhenghan, I admire his courage, for if I were in his position, I think I wouldn’t be able to take it. The same goes to Trang (Elegence), my cousin Thu Hang (Autumn Moon), Stella, and Helga. ‘A part of me dies in her, and a part of her lives in me’ I read this from Zhenghan’s blog and I cried. It doesn’t matter whether all these friends of mine pretend to be brave or not, they are the people that remind me that we need to go on with our life, and to make the best out of it, not just dwelling forever into the misery. When we talk about the past, sometimes their voices tremble and their eyes almost watery, and myself too, but we know, deep inside our heart etched the dearest memories of our loved ones. These moments don’t give us pain, rather they're taken along with us to be the sunshine after the rain, giving us the courage to move on and to treasure our lives.

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you’ll never know me
Every day, is as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I can not fool
My heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now

In a world where
I have to
Hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What’s inside my heart
And be loved for who I am

2006-03-22T06:51:00.000-08:00

kiki

Jane (zane zane, Mao Ming bright cat, blur queen)

2006-03-22T03:00:00.000-08:00

I've told many of my NTU friends about Jane, my TJ classmate, one of the best Singaporean I've ever met. Bias views maybe, hahaha, cos I'm close to her, but more or less it's true that she's a real nice girl.

One thing about her, she silently admires her mum, but never tell her mum about that though (paiseh), and she has a few 'funny' sisters.

Jane has an undying love affair with Ludwig van Beethoven. She loves Beethoven, Beethoven and Beethoven. You must see her when she plays piano, so passionate. All my 22/02 people were enthralled by her music, that day when we got nothing to do in the lecture theater and she kena forced by us to play. It's so captivating and enchanting that Yvonne (or is it Yen San?) was so sure that she's gonna send her daughter to Jane for piano lessons in the far future (not forgetting to ask for discounted fee though)

It's like a little magic, the way she painted the dull lecture theater with colorful musical notes... like in a fairytale when you see the angel raise her magic wand, and in a blink, a tail of twinkling light evolves.

Nanyang girl, smart she is, 6 points for O'level, could have gone to RJ cos RJ also offers music, but thank God she didn't. I can still visualize myself persuading her not to go to RJ that day when we needed to put our choices after O' Level results were out. (Didn't care much about where Wei Chern would go to though, cos he was no more than a normal classmate to me that time.. hahaha.. though i did ask him what he got for his Os heehee..)

Now, Jane's taking music (what else?) at King's College London, "I wanna see you perform in Esplanade, not become a music teacher le!" i always tell her. But there is a reason for everything i guess..
Last time in JC, whenever I didn't feel well, I always called her for a live request "hey, can play the winter sonata song for me?" "Play Fur Elise le" or "Hi, play Moonlight Sonata for me, can?"
dont know how many times i had asked her to play piano for me over the phone. Her loud sisters were helpful, sometimes when i requested for some weird weird piece, they would help her search for the music scores.

That blur queen was the vicechair of TJ Chinese Orchestra, the famous CO that always get gold for SYF. That time, at the end of the term when i was almost broke, and erm... didn't really know how to appreciate Chinese music, but she wanted me to go for her CO concert "Thu Huong, you must go and listen to Chinese music once"... so she happily subsidized me half price, in the end didn’t have enough money for dinner (Hwei Ching told me), poor thing aiyo...

She's different from the rest, blur, 'stupid', sincere, bully-able, smart, funny, and never fail to encourage and motivate me whenever i feel lousy. Alex must be the luckiest guy in the world man! Good friends are hard to come by, sometimes when i ponder over those hi-bye friends, or friends who misunderstood me over certain things (Albert, I'm not referring to you, dun worry hahaha) I feel so blessed that people like her are still around. They make this small world more breathable, more colorful and more loving.

2006-03-21T05:10:00.000-08:00

Today during lunch, mingyong suddenly asked me about where i'd live after graduation... good question! the answer is 'i dont know' for it always seems so remote to me, the word 'Graduation'. Never did i realise that i'm gonna graduate in slightly more than a year. where will i live then?

All my life in Singapore, i've stayed in hostels, hopping from one to another, from Eton Hall in Bukit Timah (first time away from home), to Raffles Institution Boarding School during sec school, there that is the photo that i took in RI, (good), then Dunman High School Hostel during jc (okay only), and now NTU Hall 12 (pleasant). Stories that are related to RI boarding are always alive in my mind. So strict! Yes, all the house mistresses there were very strict. Mdm Cheah (some naughty girl changed her name on the board to Mdm Cheat once) was the head of the house. When i first went there, she gave me the feeling of entering those British convents in olden days where the nuns are everywhere to catch all the naughty girls.

I was rather frightened imagining myself being punished and locked in a dark room... 'oh, how is it gonna be like' i wondered, 'but there shouldn't be any rats in RI at least' and that thought was comforting because i simply hate rats...
And how 'far-sighted' i had been! Cos it was proven right when on one of my first few days there i (and 2 of my frens i think) were locked out of the Moor House (that's the name of the block where other girls and i stayed) because despite the fact that i ran like a lightning back to Moor, i reached the door step at 10:02pm instead of 10:00pm, and that was right, the door was closed just in front of my nose! What a pleasant surprise! The rule was that we had to return to Moor BY 10:00pm (BY and not ON THE DOT or AFTER).. And when they were kind enough to open the door after us banging on it, Mdm Cheah explained to us how the rules and regulations there were to be followed and that we were there to learn the boarding school manner, we're special because we're in a Boarding School and not a Hostel (and not until when i went to stay in a Hostel was i able to see for myself that yes, she was right, there was really a difference, a stark difference!)

'So you have to submit a report to me by tomorrow' said Mdm Cheah, and we followed suit. And that was the first and one out of many reports that were coming my way through my years in RI Boarding.

Do you watch those Chinese show long time ago when there was always this person walking around the campus or the neighborhood saying "It's night time, the weather is dry, be careful about your fire" or something along that line?

When i watched those shows last time, i always laughed at those people, until one day guess who needed to play that role, and it was not even in a play or a show, it was in real life... hahaha, who else but me, but lucky for me, it was not those ridiculous 'be careful about your fire' but a simple 'hey, it's 10:30pm, it's time to sleep' for the whole week, every night, i needed to walk to every room on every level, can't remember how many rooms there were in total, to remind people that it was time for them to return to their room and sleep. After checking all the levels, the final job was to switch off all the corridor lights, no doubt the punishment was named 'lights out duty' and then reported to the one of the house mistresses.

And the cause of this punishment was quite surprising, if you have never stayed in RI boarding school, you may even find it rather absurd. The mistake that i made was to sit on my roommate's bed and talk to her at 10:40pm while i was supposed to be either sleeping on my own bed or reading books at my own table at that time. The rule was 'you can only stay at your own corner and do quite work after 10:30pm.' So a report was submitted by me explaining the reason for my misbehavior and i was awarded with 1 week 'lights out duty'. Of course that wasn't the only time i broke the rules and regulations in Moor House, there are many others and various types of creative punishment that i recieved through out my stay there.

Prep time was the time for us to study, 'remember that you can only leave the study room at 9:45pm, not 1 min earlier' and how clever i was, leaving the study room 4 minutes before the clock on the wall said 9:45pm, reason being my watch showed 9:45, i was certainly caught and my resoning was rejected straightaway.

But for this time, i was really honest, didn't mean to be mischievous. It was ridiculous that i would wanna leave 4 minutes earlier, isn't it? Even if i had finished my work, i couldn't have been so out of my mind to leave early knowing that punishment was definitely coming my way if i did. But the house mistress didn't accept my honest reason, and for the first time there i cried.... in front of them, i didnt care about their presence.

That night I missed home, the place where people trusted me, the place where noone was gonna check on me every single minute.

Well, ups and downs in life, i believe all of us experience, but the most important thing is that we've got no regret when we look back. And now, looking back at those times, i'm glad that i was posted to RI Boarding. And no doubt, compared to the rather run-down (even though it was newly built) dunman high school hostel, the house mistresses were right in saying that there was a difference between boarding school and hostel. One of the obvious difference was that, there was no swimming pool in the hostel (i'm not talking about NTU though, cos NTU belongs to a diff class, tertiary education, i'm refering to those lower education level hostels), but i didnt really care so much about swimming pool, cos i dont really swim, i can only float, so i seldom go to the swimming pool (there's one near dunman high so most of us would go there if we feel like). There were quite a lot crack lines on the walls in my room, i hope they have done something about it after i left. And the lift gave me a fright when one time it jerked horribly and then stop in the middle of nowhere. Darn scared, i thot in a moment I would free-fall, and could tell my physics teacher, Mrs Loo, how the real free-fall felt like.

There are a lot of funny memories about all the places where i've stayed. and with all that, i grow up. got to know many people from various countries as the result of staying in boarding school and hostel, some of them have become my friends-for-life, Yan Ling and Stella, the two seniors who are so so so nice to me despite the fact that they always say i'm very naughty, i think i was cos i always teased them. Stella has gone back to Hongkong, while Yan ling is now working here, Ching Chui, the 'stupid girl Lee Ting' (she calls me Stupid girl as well), Anesia, Zoe, Thanh Ha, Tu Anh and others. Time flies...

Flash back... thinking of all the punishment and reports that i got to write while staying in RI boarding, (didn't write any in Dunman hostel cos i was in TJ's council so had the permission to come back late everyday, all thanks to Rohan who helped us apply for it, and there were not so many rules and regualtions in Dunman hostel, a positive aspect of it), I have no regret. Sometimes somehow, i missed the house mistresses and tutors over there in RI. The house mistresses were strict and suspicious over certain things (i haven't mentioned the time when all our slippers were confiscated because we didn't place them nicely under or in the shoe-rack), they had mood swing sometimes too cos it was pretty obvious if they were in a bad mood, but behind that facade of being a house mistress, they were just as nice as anyone else, when i accidentally met them again after i left RI Boarding, they smiled brightly, they remembered my name and even how i looked like back then. It made me feel nostalgic. And when Ching chui told me about Mdm Cheah looking rather weak when she met her, I thought perhaps we did contribute to all her white hair.

They have all left RI, I don't know if the new generation of mistresses are as strict, but I know, for a lot of people, those that stayed during the same era as me, when we have a chance to meet and reminisce over the old time, all those stories never failed to warm our hearts, as much as we hated being punished, now we know that we've learnt from all those experiences, and as much as we disliked the idea of being forced to have a 'boarding school manner', now we realise that it's fun actually, being boarding school girls.

my sister

2006-03-15T08:27:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wanna return to my comfort zone, my sister’s room. There, that is the staircase that leads to my sis's room.The time I stay in her room is more than that in mine. I just didn't like to sleep alone in my room. So, for as far as I could remember, I slept in my sis’s room, ignoring the existence of my own one. My sister loves me even more than she loves herself I think. Since young, she'd already had the habit of letting me choose first whenever my parents gave us anything, from rooms, to holiday trips, to TV channels, toys, and even apples. She can cook whatever I feel like eating, even if it's in the middle of the night, while I've never even tried frying eggs (or maybe I tried once.. I can’t remember), she could also solve all my Maths questions, those super hard, outside syllabus ones.

She could even stay up whole night to fan me with her foolscap. When I was small, the electricity system in VN was quite bad, and sometimes there were power failures in summer (that’s the worst thing that could happen, I hated it to the core), and the amazing thing is she's only 2 and a half years older than me, meaning when I was in primary 3, she was only in primary 5, and she actually sacrificed her sleep to fan me throughout the night so I could sleep peacefully. I really admire her for that. That night when my grandpa passed away, we were alone at home, I was rather scared. But my sister, so young only, was already so brave, trying to cheer me up. When I was small, I always thought that my sis would become a police woman, but nah, she’s now working back home in a bank.

Long time ago, when the city was not so filled up with concrete houses and pavements, my sister liked to pick those wild flowers, daisy especially, my sis loves daisies, from the field next to my house and made a nice flower vase. It never failed to bring a smile to my face whenever I reached home after running around playing those childhood games with my neighbors.

I was super duper good at playing all those ‘silly’ games like five stones, different types of rubber games, marble games, much better than my sis, but she’s darn good at high jump, long jump, standing board jump, and whatever jump plus she could run very fast. That was why my PE marks (in VN, PE grades are counted) were always so low cos the teacher never tested us on those five stones or marble games, he’d rather test us on running and jumping which proved to be a total hazard for me. The only thing I was good at was to lead the class in morning exercise which my PE teacher gave me a perfect score. If only he could test me on the morning exercise through out the year… (the morning exercise was a bit similar to the Singapore workout here … I actually led the Singapore workout in Bishan community centre when I was in sec 3 hahaha)

So many things that my sister has done for me, words can't say it all. As I left home for this land at the age of 14 and slowly grow up to discover that people in the outside world do not treat me the way my sister does, I came to realise how important she is to me, and how I had taken everything for granted, screaming at her for nothing, fighting those 'wars' that she never fought back, the most that she did was to avoid my fits (how horribly violent i was!)....my sis's the best sister on earth!

2006-03-08T07:33:00.000-08:00

i was pissed off by Rayner today, 2nd time in my life that i got pissed off by him (first time was during JC when he kept my autograph book for 3 months and i couldnt give it to my classmates to write... but in turn he gave a super nice entry, with interesting colorful drawings. The above pic is part of his entry. The mumny was not supposed to have eyes and a smile, but i found it rather scary so i added the smiling face, it really looked much cuter i thought)...today's incident revolved around the away Newcastle jersey that i bought for him.

After talking to John over Skype narating everything i could probably remember, i felt better and decided to restore peace with Rayner... erm... this reminds me of primary school days and those "i dun friend you anymore"s....

always feel much better talking to John whenever i've got a lousy day. He's just so extraordinarily good at consoling me everytime.

Hey, did i sound as if Rayner was a horrible guy? i must clarify that he is definitely not!
I think it's me who was quite terrible to him. He's always quite nice to me for reasons ( according to him) that i'm his great friend (John Lee)'s gf.. and that he treats me more like a boy than a girl (???) He said it's easier to friend a boy, girls are too complicated and sophisticated to understand. am i that boyish huh??

Anyway, peace restored.. and i'm quite happy. John must be laughing inside 'cos he kept saying that i was so childish.

2006-03-07T06:08:00.000-08:00

this was how i looked when John first left for Australia.. sianz deo...
But things slowly got better as i gradually got used to not having him near, and being more contented with seeing him over webcam in the evening after school.
Hope 5 years will quickly pass by. For now, just patiently wait till July for his 2-week holiday. Long-distance relationship, somthing i had never wished to experience, can be a good 'torture' for the soul.
But must have faith, then everything is gonna be fine.